Funny Jokes ... WARNING: may offend

[crisis]

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out; both were very faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk & walking home they needed to take a p#ss so they stopped in the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These damn girly nights have got to stop. I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!
Oh my God I'll kill the son of a b#tch!"
"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck between the crack of her a#se that said "From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you."

[Fumacher]

hope it isnt a re[ost

[Fumacher]

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other good night at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you give me a blow job?" Horrified, the girl replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us for sure! Their bedroom is right upstairs!" "Oh come on! Who’s gonna see us at this hour?" he insists grinning at her. "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?" the girl goes on. "Oh come on! There’s nobody around, they're all sleeping!" "No way. It’s just too risky!" "Oh please, please, I love you so much!" "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can’t!" "Oh yes, you can. Please?" The argument goes on for about five minutes when suddenly out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl’s sister shows up in her pyjamas, hair dishevelled. In a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job, or I can do it. Or if need be, Mum says she can come down herself and do it. But for Heaven’s sake tell him to take his hand off the bloody intercom!"

[Fumacher]

>DISTURBING BEER NEWS:
>
>Yesterday, University scientists released the results of a recent
>analysis
>
>that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should
>take a
>
>concerned look at their beer consumption.
>
>The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contains
>
>phytoeostrogens) and that by drinking beer, men partially turn into
>women.
>
>To test the theory, 100 men were fed 8 pints of beer each within a
>one
>
>hour period. The following was then observed in 100% of the test
>subjects:
>
>1. Gained weight.
>
>2. Talked excessively without making any sense.
>
>3. Became overly emotional.
>
>4. Couldn't drive.
>
>5. Failed to think rationally.
>
>6. Argued over nothing.
>
>7. Had to sit down while urinating.
>
>8. Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
>
>No further testing was considered necessary

[CHEESE-TACULAR]

the blow job joke was LOL, Fumacher

heres a blond joke i have:

a blond went to spend a weeks vacation in florida. she goes to a bar and sees several people wearing alligator skin boots. the blond really likes the boots and walks over to the bar tender. "hey mister, how much could i get a pair of those alligator skin boots for?" the mar tender says "oh theres a store 'round the corner that sells them for $800." the blond says "thats to much for me, il just go get my own." the bartender thinks to himself "yeah, sure and get yourself killed." the blond leaves the bar

at closing time the bar tender gets in his car after closing up and starts the drive home. along the way he hearsa gunshot and pulls up next to a river. through the dark he sees the blond with a shotgun. she shoots an alligator and lays him out on the sand. as the man gets closer the blond shoots another alligator and lays him on the san as well. the man thinks "wow! this blond can really do this!." as he gets gets closer he hears the blond say "Damn, this one doesn't have any boot either!"

[SPHFerrari]

hahahahaha nice

[carlover]

This is rude, offensive, and funny as hell.
http://www.shabot6000.com/sedaclub/

I'd hate to be this guys wife.
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/wbam.shtml

[carlover]

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

"The moral of this story is:"

"Always keep your condoms in your car."

[carlover]

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off the at the next stop.

When the bus starts on it's way the driver says to the hippie, "I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and prays to God. "If you went dressed in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask she would think you are God and you could command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides this is a great idea, so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up. At midnight sure enough the nun shows up and begins praying the hippie jumped out from hiding and says. "I AM GOD! I have heard your prayers and I will answer them, BUT ... first you must have sex with me." The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because she is married to the church. The hippie agrees to this and has his way with the nun.

After the hippie finishes he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts,"Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the hippie!!"

Then the nun jumps up and shouts, "Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the bus driver!!"

[carlover]

The teacher asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."
Little Johnny Siebert raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate' so she called on him.
Johnny Seibert said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight."

[carlover]

One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the lawyer said. But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree." "Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!" "Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place - the grass is almost a foot high!"

[spi-ti-tout]

Everybody...prepare for a storm of Dilberts

[spi-ti-tout]

Dilbert #02

[spi-ti-tout]

Dilbert #03

[spi-ti-tout]

Dilbert #04