Braking Point, Issue #4

[CENTER][I]Braking Point
Issue #4[/I][/CENTER]

[LEFT][U]16/04/06[/U][/LEFT] [RIGHT][U]V1.0[/U][/RIGHT]

[B][U]When drivers watch cartoons…[/U][/B]

“What the hell”, I thought as WRC Season ’06 kicked off amidst a streak of broken Subaru turbochargers and grass blades and pollution. Mitsu out, Puggy out, Citroen out (well a good thing actually), and Skoda out. And to bang that in really really hard, Suzuki wasn’t due with the Swift till atleast ’07 and Mazda had glanced at the sky so suddenly fascinating whenever the word rally was mentioned. As for some of the more aspiring stars? Ha, Audi and Porsche (meh one company anyway) and Nissan had taken what I think you can call the soft route, sitting on disgustingly comfortable couches while their ex-works beasts were cleaned of the stench that made them what they were, even though Audi were more or less free (unless you’re counting the Murcielago R-GT at LeMans) from motorsport initiatives and Nissan had drawn back their ‘Rally Raid’ fried chicken team. Taken, they hadn’t publicly announced anything but then that’s the whole point. And it was starting to piss me off a bit. And then a bit more.

Then Monte Carlo arrived and I thought “what the hell” again (you could blame me for unoriginality and lack of a better word, but then I didn’t invent English, I only destroyed it).This repeated euphuism of a few puttings including boredom, not-botheredness, and whatever else was becoming common even though my rally mates worked and subjugated me to various reproofs of the grand philosophy of rallying to convince otherwise. It didn’t work, for I-think obvious cogitations. Ones for “eg” following the following in a set of stringent words that I promise you won’t be able to follow. Like that last sentence.

While you’re still baffled with that one let’s switch to actual rallying. Come the utterly timeless Monte Carlo, a traumatizing mix of beautiful white snow and graceful descents of asphalt with just a hint of loose shoelace to unhinge and possible even cause brain damage and finally crazy spectators who eat and sleep and hibernate in the snow for as long as a week dressed in anything from 16th Century Czar warmonger full coats to sleazy … eh need I go on. But obviously the ones to beat all warm fashion were the drivers themselves, wearing the same dirty overalls in the snow, road, sand, dust, rain, you name it.

Probably the best of all was Marcus Gronholm. Taking a second rally outing in his mini space shuttle, Marcus still insisted on using tyres and stated it was his idea of having fun, “something like playing in the rain with Armanis on you while your girlfriend is destroying your Ford”. He paid for it in the beginning but then it paid HIM. Slowly edging upon “Ze Frenshmen”, Marcus later admitted that he was inspired by his co-driver’s victory shouts when banging cars in Burnout III: Revenge and knocked the Citroen-man off the narrow ravine where Sebastien exclaimed “No moooooooore beeeerrr vooooooor yoooooooooooooouuuu!11” just before disappearing into a host of trees with eager females waiting to help. Cursing his luck at not getting both, Marcus then went on to win all the next stages and become winner of WRC Monte Carlo 2006, describing that is wasn’t his fault and he was just “driving like his grandmother”, whatever that could mean, and threw out his in-built playstation two which Timo, his co-driver, was still playing unaware of the attention surrounding him. Timo chucked the now-useless controller at Marcus angrily and it hit Loeb, who had climbed from 17th to 2nd position, breaking through his windscreen and hitting his face. He had just finished driving back along the tricky ravine and lost grip. Needless to say he went down again and we haven’t heard from him since.

But if Monte Carlo weren't enough for those adrenaline junkies who call everybody “dude”, WRC Sweden wouldn't have been either. With so many teams out and so many others to take their place, you can bet there wasn't a single dull moment in the snow filled Scandinavian resort. And there wasn't. If anything, Marcus Gronholm kept away from Sebastien Loeb at all times but then he wasn’t even there. Chilling in the cold, Marcus decided to continue his array of technology and kept a mini heater in his shoes which later burned his feet and drove him to win the rally by always keeping his foot planted on the accelerator. Petter Solberg decided to go for slightly more traditional means, wearing big moccasins not seen since the time God made Adam. Keeping on rallying, that proved to be a fatal decision as he pushed the firewall too far and kicked his driveshaft out of the car. As he was getting out of his car he slammed himself back in and screamed “Ack!. A blue Citroen Xsara barely missed him by inches but then Sebastien was hardly paying attention. To further excuse himself of this he mounted an impeccable French-made replica of the police lights and siren thing with Co Daniel pointing a bazooka out of the left window. Typical French, they forgot it was going to keep them heavy and stop working anyway, and they stayed second the whole rally. He was hoping to take his revenge on the Focus pair but Gronholm had drove into the podium unable to stop himself and splurted out the words “Iiiccceeeee!” which nobody has been able to understand. Nobody knows where he went but satellite images are picturing a very fast Ford tearing down Europe and newspapers reported thousands of roadkill due to “something white”. Meanwhile, Mitsubishi drives Gigi Galli and Daniel Carlsson were hugely excited between this French-Finnish battle and started their own for 3rd and 4th position, amid a straggle of giggles and ugly-spoiler whiplashes. Daniel was hardly able to pronounce “everyathing” and the drivers remarkably switched positions on the last four stages. Mazin’ stuff and Daniel won, having been inspired to say “Vow!”. Not quite correct but oh well.

Vrrom! One car. Instantly locals were seen seeking refuge from ghosts but then before they even reached the witch-doctor they were blown by huge gusts of sand sprayed by the largely BF Goodrich (after they changed the name from Michelin) headed cars. What else - WRC Mexico. As is the custom, all drivers had those huge elephantine hats on their heads that blocked the sun and peeping eyes and sniffed a bit of chili to give them that little bit of edge but Japanese Toshi Arai going on for Scooby, having practiced various ninja techniques to esteem severe self-patience, swallowed ten of Mexico’s spiciest chilies and it showed as his co-driver ran off because of foul farting smells and he tore off a tyre. Problem? Nah! Powered by the chilies he took a remarkable 100 seconds to change it. Not much considering how many things he actually has to do! Either that or the Impreza’s tyres are just very loose. Maybe not though, this rally, for the first time evAr this season, Petter Solberg had a good edge and his car did little to fail him gain his deserved second place. Team-mate Aussie Atkinson who was frequently dogged by me last season made a remarkable come back by meeting with a rock (some people might hate me now but wait) BUT proved his worth by outdoing mostly all the drivers in front of him to stay ahead of even Gronholm, who arrived slightly late and flustered with fish in his Focus after crossing the Atlantic and having a bit of a scuffle at the Bermuda Triangle. Gronholm, irritated, was on his way for another win before a blind left stopped him and broke his suspension but finally got his foot off the accelerator. Using the very same 307 that Marcus had used in 2005, Manfred Stohl went on to take his place and come 3rd. I bet Marcus Peugeot is regretting some now. Get back in!!

So while season 2006 does seem really good somewhat, I still can’t make up my mind. The whole new lot of drivers and privateer teams still creates this looming fear of being unfamiliar as much as I try to adapt but to be honest I still say it isn’t my thing. Of course it is a great chance that possibly won’t come anytime soon again for new drivers, so godspeed to them.

NOTE: Husain Jagani claims all responsibility for this article and are his opinions only. Some of the English used does not actually pertain to any currently-existing dictionary and anybody wishing to sue him can but they’ll have to buy him a plane ticket as well. While he does intend this article to be humorous as a break from the monotonous brick-brack of daily life and the seriousness of the majority in motorsport, atleast 40% of the article is true, such as people not wearing anything in the snow, Marcus wearing a small heater in his shoes, Petter wearing moccasins and breaking his drive-shaft, Daniel not being able to pronounce certain words and Toshi Arai taking just 100 seconds to change his tyre, that last bit being courtesy of the rallystuff.net forums. It just takes a bit of common sense to figure it out.

[I][RIGHT]- Husain Jagani[/RIGHT][/I]

Audi has R10....not the bastard child of a R-GT Lambo....lol

I had heard that it was part Audi who was managing the R-GT and at the time of writing that first paragraph I forgot about the R10. Changing that would mean changing the meaning of the whole sentence.

Audi has a massive DTM effort, plus the R10 still. The only thing I can think of for Nissan is the Super GT, which is probably not cheap...Peugeot's withdrawl from WRC can I think means that the funds is going to go into their diesel Le Mans car in 2007....

Are Audi still in DTM? Damn, I am so outdated. The Super GT series is slightly closely-confined whereas media comes but fair point. Are all of them factory driven or are there "sponsors" in SGT? And Peugeot had announced plans of entering DTM which explains they're absense.

In anycase, I write these in my free time which is very little nowadays so i don't have time to look up everything Nissan does. I appreciate your informing me but the real reason I wrote it is at the bottom and I'd appreciate it more if you'd all comment on that bit as well. Thanks

Reiter Engineering is managing the Lambo GT effort ;)

[QUOTE=spi-ti-tout]Are Audi still in DTM? Damn, I am so outdated. The Super GT series is slightly closely-confined whereas media comes but fair point. Are all of them factory driven or are there "sponsors" in SGT? And Peugeot had announced plans of entering DTM which explains they're absense.[/QUOTE]
Audi is still in DTM. Peugeot pulled out to let Citroen do the winning for them in WRC and are now focusing on a diesel Le Mans programme, they probably will use Welter Racing as the team for the Le Mans programme since WR has been with them for so long and since WR gave them the 1993-1994 Le Mans wins

Peogeot's 1992-1993 wins are of their factory car, the 905....WR's car sit on pole for the 1995 race....did not win...

Super GT teams are very much factory backed...