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Thread: My wife is brave, and getting well!!!

  1. #466
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    This is not the most ideal situation, for sure. Good to see her Doctor and You are thinking about whats most feasible, infections are nasty things and the surgeon isn't wrong to want to get them out, but perhaps a little bullish about the means.

    I'm thinking of the both of you - I read somewhere that humans mimic each others breathing and heart rate patterns when sharing a space together for a long period of time - so as dumb as it sounds if you focus on breathing well the theory is she'll do her best to match it subconciously.

    stay positive.
    <cough> www.charginmahlazer.tumblr.com </cough>

  2. #467
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    With you on the breathing, did this with dad and it worked often.
    Equally you can give them strength and I hope Doug from here you can feel the strength of our wishes and hopes for you to use and to pass on.
    "A woman without curves is like a road without bends, you might get to your destination quicker but the ride is boring as hell'

  3. #468
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    Won the battle of the ventilator today.

    When I arrived to visit this morning, Terry had slid down the bed into a chin-down position, not conducive to free breathing and had also upchucked over herself and her bed. No one was attending to her and I had to step in to catch the next load with her hospital gown. I yelled for help and only then was she attended to. The sister in charge took the fact of her breathing difficulty and that she was fighting the oxygen mask, as justification to call the doctor who accepted her version and ordered Terry be put on a ventilator which they started to set up. I think it's a nurse's ideal to have a patient who doesn't move a muscle nor make a sound, so much easier to handle. I took them apart and once I was sure they would not dare act in my absence, I marched up to the doctor and gave him the real story i.e. no ventilator, ever, under any circumstances, no matter what the consequences. Her withdrawal of the DNR did NOT give them carte blanche. He agreed that his job was to save her life sans ventilator and undertook to speak to the ICU staff about letting the bad situation develop.

    One of the nurses picked this time to give me the daily performance feedback form to complete, great timing and I was just in the mood to commit my feelings to paper, something I'm not too bad at. It wasn't 10 minutes later I was asked to go see Management and was nagged for the next hour or so until I was satisfied Terry was comfortable and resting and it was ok for me to leave her. I left Management perfectly clear on the matter and throughout the rest of the day, Terry was never a moment without someone faffling around her.

    I'm just very thankful I was there to stop the madness.
    Doug

    We start any venture with a full bag of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before we empty the bag of luck.

  4. #469
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    My beloved Terry passed away at 04h04 this morning.

    She looked so at peace for someone who suffered so appallingly in her latter life. I am devastated, she took my soul with her.

    We the family, thank all who have supported and encouraged us and from her better place, I have no doubt Terry thanks you too.

    Doug
    Doug

    We start any venture with a full bag of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before we empty the bag of luck.

  5. #470
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    Very sorry for your loss Doug, RIP Terry. I'm sure all our thoughts are with you.
    Life's too short to drive bad cars.

  6. #471
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    My wife is brave, and getting well!!!

    Very sorry for your loss. Remember the good times you've shared. Stay strong.
    Rockefella says:
    pat's sister is hawt
    David Fiset says:
    so is mine
    David Fiset says:
    do want

  7. #472
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    We share your loss Doug as we all learned a little of Terry's spirit from your posts here.
    Our prayers and support go out to you , your family and all close friends.
    "A woman without curves is like a road without bends, you might get to your destination quicker but the ride is boring as hell'

  8. #473
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    I am very very sorry to hear that, Doug. Take comfort that she is no longer in pain.
    Rest in peace, Terry.
    "Kimi, can you improve on your [race] finish?"
    "No. My Finnish is fine; I am from Finland. Do you have any water?"

  9. #474
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    Sorry for not posting, the outpouring of concern and the warmth of the affection from you all has been overwhelming and uplifting and has carried me for the last 2 days and been my lifeline to sanity. I’ve sat at my PC dozens of times, hands on the keyboard, with the intent of responding but the words just would not come. So I shall try to put together my ramblings on Word and paste them when I think they make some sense.

    If the truth be known, I’m a mess. Deep inside of me I died too at 04h04 on 3 February 2011 despite the fact that my body seemingly continues to function. People talk of the strength and courage that Terry and I exhibited but it didn’t start out that way, we were just two ordinary people who found themselves in a bad place experiencing feelings of utter despair at her condition and our bleak future.

    What transformed us from despair to happiness was our love for each other. The only way forward was to feed off each others love which enabled us gradually to first accept and then to embrace the challenge we faced. Feeding off each other’s love resulted in that love growing exponentially and if attributes of strength, courage, determination and resolve were apparent to others, these were just natural side effects of this. Such is the power of a love given unconditionally. I feel infinitely privileged to have been the subject of Terry’s boundless love and so proud that she touched so many lives so profoundly.

    There is a down side of such strong feelings though, Newton’s equal and opposite reaction law. When Terry was torn from me so suddenly and unexpectedly, the life was also torn from me. I’m bewildered, dazed and confused and trying to make sense of the desolation I feel inside. They say time heals everything but time can never give me back what was wrenched from me.

    God it hurts so much!
    Doug

    We start any venture with a full bag of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before we empty the bag of luck.

  10. #475
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    Doug, it's never easy to accept but with time we do learn to remember the essence of the good in the person we lost. It's those memories that allow our loved ones to remain with us for as long as we need them.
    Time I dont think is the healer, but allows US the time to learn our new life and to enjoy remembering those moments spent with those we've loved and cared for in our lives.

    THe one thing I will say is please find somone or ways to openly talk about it and to share and grow that feeling. "Being strong" or keeping it hidden and only grieving on our own can be destructive without us realising. I learned that lesson the hard way.

    We can ever say it will stop hurting, but I know that friends can help you accept that hurt for what it is - the memory of a great love. Any time you feel the need to say anything I'm sure many here are willing to just listen and help if asked.
    "A woman without curves is like a road without bends, you might get to your destination quicker but the ride is boring as hell'

  11. #476
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    Godspeed, Doug... may the unconditional love of your family and friends salve the pain of your loss as your journey continues. Speak openly with all who knew her, your son and daughter-in-law; share those timeless moments of your lives together with one another as it was, and as it will be. Peace.
    Last edited by csl177; 02-04-2011 at 09:53 PM.
    Never own more cars than you can keep charged batteries in...

  12. #477
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    Terry may have passed on from a body which was failing her for a long time, but her goodwill, strength, joy and love cannot ever truly be lost when there are a group of people who have been touched by her kindness of spirit. Your love sustained her, that I'm sure of.

    I cannot fathom your loss, I can only offer my heartfelt sympathies and a belief that so long as someone is in your heart they're never truly gone. The body fades; the spirit is, in this case, unbroken.

    To paraphrase Emma Thompson from Love, Actually; "This was always going to be a really sh*t time". I'd be worried if you weren't torn asunder. But with the love and support of those around you life will go on, in her memory.

    Thinking of you and your family in this saddest time.
    Last edited by IBrake4Rainbows; 02-06-2011 at 03:29 AM.
    <cough> www.charginmahlazer.tumblr.com </cough>

  13. #478
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    So sorry to hear. Nothing can make you feel better now. But I have said it and seen it before with friends of mine in sad or dire times. You wont feel like this forever. In the mean time as Matra said, share your feelings. Dont be strong for everyone else. I hope the pain doesnt last too long mate.
    "A string is approximately nine long."
    Egg Nogg 02-04-2005, 05:07 AM

  14. #479
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    Hoping these words of sympathy will comfort you in your time of sorrow.

    "Keep a warm spot in your heart for her but don't carry her on your shoulders for the rest of your life. She wouldn't want that."

    - Ben Cartwright ("Bonanza")
    '76 Cadillac Fleetwood Seventy-Five Limousine, '95 Lincoln Town Car.

  15. #480
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    I stuck my nose out the door Saturday and went to the local Spar for some emergency supplies ... icecream. The owner of the Spar where we do much of our casual shopping has become very friendly and always made a point of coming to greet us and enquire after Terry's health. He had even donated one of his trolleys so Terry could move stuff she couldn't carry around the house and erected chains across the disabled parking specifically for us, so the bays would not be abused. He approached me today and smilingly asked where Terry was and when told, could not speak, burst into tears and walked away from me into the store making strange sounds and hand gestures which I interpreted as pure shock and bewilderment. I left him to deal with it in his own way.

    I let the owner of the Terrace Coffee Shop at Flora Clinic, where we often went for Terry's morning Cappuccino and scrambled eggs before dialysis, know about Terry's passing by sms. She was mortified and when I thanked her for touching Terry's life she answered thus: "Thank you but you've got it all wrong. Many people come into my shop but it is very few that creep into my heart. Terry and you did that and I want to thank you both. The inner strength, mutual love and acceptance for what life deals a person was so apparent. To make the most of what you have has been a lesson to me. I will miss your visits and I thank you again for that special something Terry has left in my heart. Wow, she really was an amazing woman!"

    These reactions from relative strangers just reinforces for me the amazing way that Terry's inner glow shone past her broken and tortured body and touched so many people so profoundly. I feel so proud of her and miss her even more, if that's possible.
    Doug

    We start any venture with a full bag of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before we empty the bag of luck.

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