If Microsoft Built Cars

[baddabang]

These are great

1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.

2. Occasionally your car would just die on the roadway for no reason, accept this, restart and drive on.

3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this too.

4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a "Car 95" or a "Car NT". But then you'd have to buy more seats.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was twice as reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but it would only run on five percent of the roads.

6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars which would make their cars go much slower.

7. The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.

8. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for many years.

9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas and all auto fluids but the packaging would be supurb.

10. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

11. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

12. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.

13. They wouldn't build their own engines, but form a cartel with their engine suppliers. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders, multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve design so you could use Model-T Ford parts on it.

14. There would be an "Engium Pro" with bigger turbos, but it would be slower on most existing roads.

15. Microsoft cars would have a special radio/cassette player which would only be able to listen to Microsoft FM, and play Microsoft Cassettes. Unless of course, you buy the upgrade to use existing stuff.

16. Microsoft would do so well, because even though they don't own any roads, all of the road manufacturers would give away Microsoft cars free, including IBM!

17. If you still ran old versions of car (ie. CarDOS 6.22/CarWIN 3.11), then you would be called old fashioned, but you would be able to drive much faster, and on more roads!

18. If you couldn't afford to buy a new car, then you could just borrow your friends, and then copy it.

19. Whenever you bought a car, you would have to reorganize the ignition for a few days before it worked.

20. You would need to buy an upgrade to run cars on a highway next to each other.


From: saleenunlimited

[Rockefella]

hehe... good read. :D

[Karrmann]

when someone went near it or worked on it they could give it a virus forcing you to buy an aftermarket forewal for it :p

you would buy oil for it called Notron Antivirus 04

if you didn't equip it with NT it won't be compatable with all popular aftermarket parts :p

right when you buy one, they come out with a better one.

EDIT:

after you repair it you have to buy a patch for it

The windshield wipers would be renamed to the Microsoft Window washers.

[baddabang]

right when you buy one, they come out with a better one.


Well this one pretty much goes for real cars too. :)

[Blue Supra]

OMIGOSH Karrman used the edit! he didnt double post +1!
i mean errr
have some fruit!

oh and Badda great find mate!
i love the
"you can borrow it from your friends and copy it!":D

[baddabang]

Thanks Blue Supra, Dont like bananas tho. :p

[Karrmann]

badda for this great thread,have a lunchable :p

http://www.mikebrowne.com/lunch/archive/12212001/lunchables.jpg

[Spastik_Roach]

Lunchables are now Karrmanns trademark :p

[Blue Supra]

Lunchables are now Karrmanns trademark :p

Everyone should get one! that can be a rep idea! everyone who wants to can get their own food/drink pic and post it everytime they want to tell someone they have a good post, Karrmans is a Lunchable(never herd of it but anyways) lets all just get our own!

[Fowler]

No thank you, I'll stick with my loaf of french bread & bottled tea. :P

[taz_rocks_miami]

If MS made cars, they's make 95% of the cars on the road :eek: :(

[Matra et Alpine]

If MS made cars, they's make 95% of the cars on the road :eek: :(
yep but most folks woudl claim it's better to replace the steering wheel with one from Mozilla/Firefox/Opera :)

[Misho]

i thought microsoft already made their first car, i am pretty sure that "i-drive" isnt BMW's idea.

[Matra et Alpine]

i thought microsoft already made their first car, i am pretty sure that "i-drive" isnt BMW's idea.
It only had one button, so had to be MAC :)

[SlickHolden]

Yeah if microsoft built cars once you payed for it you relize hey it's got no engine, No tranny, No wheels, No seats, No stereo, No steering wheel, No doors, No carpet, but in the book they had a pic of a full car and a price tag of just under 5Million.
Pay the 1million for a upgrade you got yourself a full working car now:D
Till you drive home and the dam thing stops half way, And reports Your engine has encounted a problem and needs to shut down.
Call Microsoft and they say well that's windows :eek:

[Mustang]

im sure this exact thread was posted a few weeks ago :confused:

[taz_rocks_miami]

yep but most folks woudl claim it's better to replace the steering wheel with one from Mozilla/Firefox/Opera

And we'd have to upgrade the engine every 6 months:eek:


It only had one button, so had to be MAC :)

I'd buy it then, at least I woudn't have to re-start it every 10 miles:)

[whiteballz]

macs are better then PC's IMO, they dont crash, and they are just so funky!
and there is a way to have right click.

[SlickHolden]

My PC has never crashed since i went to Win XP:D Never ever.
When i had win98 dam thing everyday would crash :eek:

[Karrmann]

Everyone should get one! that can be a rep idea! everyone who wants to can get their own food/drink pic and post it everytime they want to tell someone they have a good post, Karrmans is a Lunchable(never herd of it but anyways) lets all just get our own!

well they are a little kit ofr a lunch (pizza, cracker sandwiches etc) maybe they are not heard of where you live but they are really big in the US.

[Matra et Alpine]

I'd buy it then, at least I woudn't have to re-start it every 10 miles:)
Yeah but you'd never be able to find the right kind of gas that only it runs on and cry while everyone else gets their gas earlier and for cheaper :)

[taz_rocks_miami]

Yeah but you'd never be able to find the right kind of gas that only it runs on and cry while everyone else gets their gas earlier and for cheaper :)

Sure I could, good ol Steve Jobs would have enough petrol stations around to keep the iCars on the road.;) Would we pay a little more for gas? Yeah but we'd have a surper high octane gas for the 300 kph iCars :)

[Blue Supra]

I like this thread! you guys rock!
come over and well have some sosos!

[Fowler]

This is why I really want to switch to linux.

[VtecMini]

This is why I really want to switch to linux.
If Red Hat made a car, it would look really nicely made and sporty from the outside, but once you got inside, all of the buttons would be hidden in cubby holes and you'd need 6 different 4 inch thick manuals just to work out how to get the damn thing off the drive. Then once you have got the hang of driving it, you'd realise that it's just like the other cars, but with a crappy ride quality. Like the iCar it only works on poorly fabricated dust trails and muddy backroads.

It would be the ram raiders choice of car, because for some rather suspicious reason, the Red Hat car would lots of little holes, brackets and grommets around the front for attaching stuff for breaking other peoples cars.

In it's defence, nobody would be able to break into your Red Hat car. It would be amonst the securest cars on the road. It would simply bounce over the pot holes that Microsoftcar falls into. Also, when you put your Red Hat keys on the pub table, all your mates would think you are some kinda of driving god, capable of handling and rebuilding any car in the world, but the sad truth is that you'd never dare give your friends lifts, lest they find out the sorry truth!

Eventually Red Hat Cars would go out of business, because with every car sold, an instruction booklet would come in the glovebox, explaining exactly how to build another car identical to yours. It would also have a map of a place where all the components can be found for free. By the time Red Hat Cars had got the hang of making their cars, a 100 other companys would all be making the same car, but with a different bonnet and steering wheel.

[Matra et Alpine]

In it's defence, nobody would be able to break into your Red Hat car. It would be amonst the securest cars on the road.
The power of marketing :)
http://securitytracker.com/alerts/2004/Jan/1008593.html
Get allowed to have root user permission means you can do ANYTHING on a un*x system !!

Also, when you put your Red Hat keys on the pub table, all your mates would think you are some kinda of driving god, capable of handling and rebuilding any car in the world, but the sad truth is that you'd never dare give your friends lifts, lest they find out the sorry truth!
Sounds just like most kit car owners :)
( Sorry Suka, YOURS will be differetn, I'm sure :P )

[Clivey]

Microsoft were boasting to GM that if they made cars, they would all do 300mph, 100mpg and cost 60 pence...

...Bob Lutz then turns round and says "Yes, but we wouldn't want them to crash twice a day, would we?"

:D

[h00t_h00t]

That is so old, it was old even when in was first posted.

[GT F1]

Microsoft were boasting to GM that if they made cars, they would all do 300mph, 100mpg and cost 60 pence...

...Bob Lutz then turns round and says "Yes, but we wouldn't want them to crash twice a day, would we?"

:D
*Year Old Thread;)*

Funny, none the less.

[Spastik_Roach]

Microsoft were boasting to GM that if they made cars, they would all do 300mph, 100mpg and cost 60 pence...

...Bob Lutz then turns round and says "Yes, but we wouldn't want them to crash twice a day, would we?"

:D

An American talking about money in pounds sterling, to another America? :confused:

[Clivey]

An American talking about money in pounds sterling, to another America? :confused:

Lol, I see where you're coming from but it was a joke...:D

[henk4]

if MS built cars they might finally have proper windows:)

[Pando]

if MS built cars they might finally have proper windows:)
Not bad. Not bad at all. :D

[syko]

i got some more :D



For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our

lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry

with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we

would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."


In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:



If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following
characteristics :


1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.


2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.


3.. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the

road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could

continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.


4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to

restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.



5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as

easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.



6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car

Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.


7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.


8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you

simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna


9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again

because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.


10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

[Clivey]

That's more like it, I was typing mine in a hurry at college :o