The "710" cap and other stories
I didn't write these, I just thought I'd share 'em with you:
[b]"Choke Hold":[/b]
A lady driver repeatedly complained that her car wouldn't run very well. It misfired, it was sluggish, wouldn't pull the skin off a rice pudding, and drank petrol as if there was no tomorrow. But, every time the car went into the garage workshop and was tested it was found to be fine.
Finally, the garage sent a technician out with the lady to see if they could experience the problem. She was more than happy to comply, if only to get to the bottom of the problem. The mechanic walked out to the car with her and asked her to drive. She settled into the driving seat put on her seat belt, pulled out the manual choke knob to full on, and hung her handbag on it.
[b]"The $50 Porsche":[/b]
A man in California saw an ad in the paper for an "almost new" Porsche, in excellent condition - price $50. He was certain the printers had made a typographical error, but even at $5,000 it would have been a bargain, so he hurried to the address to look at the car.
A nice-looking woman appeared at the front door. Yes, she had placed the ad. The price was indeed $50. "The car," she said, "is in the garage. Come and look at it."
The fellow was overwhelmed. It was a beautiful Porsche and, as the ad promised, "nearly new." He asked if he could drive the car around the block. The woman said, "Of course," and went with him. The Porsche drove like a dream. The young man peeled off $50 and handed it over, somewhat sheepishly. The woman gave him the necessary papers, and the car was his.
Finally, the new owner couldn't stand it any longer. He had to know why the woman would sell the Porsche at such a ridiculously low price. Her reply was simple: With a half-smile on her face, she said, "My husband ran off with his secretary a few days ago and left a note instructing me to sell the car and the house, and send him the money."
[b]"The Frozen Gas Cap":[/b]
It was during a cold spell in the middle of last winter when a van driver passed a motorcyclist who had broken down. It was snowing and, although the bike rider was well wrapped up in leathers and helmet, the van driver decided he had better stop and offer his assistance.
There was very little wrong with the motorbike -- it had just run out of petrol. Although the driver had a spare can of fuel, unfortunately, the petrol cap had frozen stuck. Being a resourceful chap (and brave), the van driver unbuttoned his fly and peed over the cap to thaw it out. He refilled the tank and the bike rider, still wrapped up against the cold, mumbled a thank you and they both went their separate ways.
[b]"The 28-Ounce Water Pump":[/b]
A woman calls an import parts warehouse and asks for a 28-ounce water pump. "A what?" says the confused parts guy. "My husband says he needs a 28-ounce water pump." "A 28-ounce water pump? What kind of car does it fit?" "A Datsun." As he writes down "Datsun, 28 oz. water pump" the light in his head goes on. "Oh yes ma'am. We've got 28-ounce water pumps. We have 24-ounce and 26-ounce water pumps too." "Finally," she says. "You're the first place I've called that knew what I was talking about." "Yes ma'am. That's because we're a full service parts warehouse. It's our job to have the parts you need, like a 28-ounce water pump," he says, smiling, as he jots down customer pick-up, Datsun 280Z water pump, part number . . .
[b]"The 710 Cap":[/b]
Apparently this feller was in a local car parts shop when a woman walked in and asked for a seven ten cap. Two blokes behind the counter and our hero looked at each other and one said, "What's a seven ten cap?"
She said "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one."
"What kind of a car is it on?" someone asked. She said a Ford.
"How big is it?" She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter.
"What does it do?" She said she didn't know know, but it had always been there.
Someone gave her a note pad and asked her to draw a picture of it. She drew a circle and in the centre wrote 710.
The blokes behind the counter who are looking at it upside down as she writes, fall about laughing and one goes and gets her an oil cap.
Note: write "710" upside down . . .
Hope you guys like those... I sure did. :)
