My wife is brave, and getting well!!!

[Doug_Dread]

Rough, ROUGH day! I was just going to escort her there and then go to work, never made work. Terry's 'hospital security bubble' has been well and truly burst. She's petrified of what is to come and spent most of the day in tears, begging me to get her the hell out of there, even accused me of abandoning her.

I'm hoping she will start to develop relationships and trust with her rehab team, they seem like a good bunch. At least she has a much better TV and after a deposit of 50 bucks, her very own remote.

They insist on their patients being dressed and up and about, even if in wheelchairs, no laying in bed in PJ's all day. Considering her present state of weakness and immobility, it's gonna be tough on her.

Tough love sucks.

Btw, ever had to choose a woman's clothes for her?! I had to go home and select her wardrobe and realised just how unobservant I'd been with regard to what she normally likes to wear. I ended up carting most of her stuff along and played a game of "take home" or "hang in the cupboard". Not too bad, I scored about 75%.

[Cyco]

Being forced to choose a wardrobe sounds as mentally challenging as the last couple of weeks, especially if she is not enjoying the change at the same time.

I'm sure you will find her relationship with the rehab team improve quickly and that should allow faster recovery. After the initial travel shock I'm sure she will recover faster, I'm not always convinced doctors and hospitals are better for you than not seeing them.

[Mr.Tiv]

I hope she is feeling relatively well, and that the rehab works wonders on her. There truly wouldn't be any better news than to hear that Terry is up and moving. Best of wishes, man.

[Doug_Dread]

Haven’t posted for a couple of days, partly due to exhaustion, rehab has added a couple of hours driving time to an already overloaded day, but mostly due to the emergence of the secret fears that I’ve kept to myself, hidden behind a mask of optimism. I’ve woken up to the realisation that we’re not going to get our lives back, in anything like the shape we hoped for.

Four days in rehab and little to show for it. A team of 6 rehab specialists are carrying out their individual functions, all being very positive and hopeful, but the goals they’re aiming at are so far short of what I was hoping for and what I keep assuring Terry we will achieve together, that I despair as well.

Rather than saving the life of the woman I love so dearly, I’ve trashed her dignity and condemned my fiercely independent woman to a life, or what’s left of it, of total dependence, a prisoner in a severely damaged and pain-tormented body, that she can never again be proud of and will come to hate passionately.

If it were me, I might bear such physical devastation stoically but never her. I’ve just postponed the inevitable and caused her to suffer more than any human being should ever have to endure. I should be apologising and begging her forgiveness, but instead I’m going to sit holding her hand, a silly smile on my face, telling her how good things are going to be when she gets better.

Life doesn’t have to end in death, it can end long before that and become something not worth having.

[Matra et Alpine]

My thoughts and prayers were with both of you while you weren't here.
Sorry that things aren't as positive as hoped.
The best advice I can give Doug is to be honest with each other and broach the subject.
You may find it brings you both closer together to cope with the time ahead and with luck and the efforts of everyone an improvement that may not be the goal you originally hoped for but is a long distance away from the worst feelings nad scenarios you are now envisiging.
Best wishes for each day that comes ......

[Cyco]

Rehab is for quitters!

Doug, remember that the specialists are used to seeing those that don't recover and those who don't put in the effort to recover. Terry sounds much stronger than that mentally and she will keep fighting till she has either no more to give, or till she walks out happy and healthy.

Your tiredness and massively long hours will be getting draining, so please ensure that you try and get some regular exercise too and eat well. This will be important in keeping you healthy and supportive, now and as she recovers.

It is understandable that you feel you have possibly hurt her by keeping fighting for her life, but could you have looked at yourself in the mirror if you hadn't? The situation she is now in is temporary and hopefully its going to be out of there on the improve. Then all the hard work, late nights and speeding fines will have paid off.

Best wishes for the speediest of recoveries

[Doug_Dread]

I'm just going to have to motivate the rehab crew to aim higher. There are certain minimum and sustainable targets that they must reach in order to inspire Terry to want to rejoin the world.

Failure is not an option.

Thanks for the continuing support.

[McReis]

Doug I think you've let tiredeness and obstacles win you. You made the only choice that someone who loves live and her wife could have done.
Whatever happens and whatever you do, it's not fair for you to condemn yourself for doing what your heart told you to. Even if things went far worse than they really went, you'd still have done the right choice.
Keep it up so that she can get up too. And about targets: one thing at a time. "Miracles" do happen.

[Doug_Dread]

Two weeks in Rehab.

Terry is slightly stronger, the Physio is working on upper body strength and mobility mostly, to enable her to move herself around on the bed, turn over from side to side etc. This would save her from being hurt by the nurses when handled. Small stuff, but a start. She spends every morning in the gym.

They started wheelchair work this week, including assisted board transfers from bed to chair to loo etc., and wheeling herself slowly around the clinic. Also taking breakfast and lunch at the table in the dining room. Great to see her sitting up in a chair, looking like Paralympics material with her new cycling gloves on.

I pushed her out into the garden last Sunday and we had a mini-picnic down by the pool. Beats ICU anytime. They may not allow it so soon, but I’m going to see if I can get her a day-pass this Sunday and take her for a drive.

Had a look at the trachy hole yesterday during a dressing change. It’s lost all of it’s rawness from the last closure attempt and is healing on the surface. Trouble is, that surface is at the bottom of a 5cm long by 1cm wide jagged canyon. At one end there is a 1.5cm deep crater and at the bottom of this, the hole through into her trachea. This hole is now only about a mm in diameter and I believe it may even close on its own. If this can happen, it will greatly increase the chances of success of the canyon closure operation because she wouldn’t be coughing through it and/or depositing infection-prone material behind the stitched flesh. Her other wounds are coming along slowly.

PS: Traffic fines were reduced from R400 & R300 to R200 & R100. Fair I suppose, but I’d be interested to know what it would take to have fines scrapped altogether.

[McReis]

Small stuff, but a start. .

It sounds like a lot for the little time she spent there so far.

I bet she will surprise them at the clinic.

PS: Traffic fines were reduced from R400 & R300 to R200 & R100. Fair I suppose, but I’d be interested to know what it would take to have fines scrapped altogether.

Maybe World War III and only if their office becomes a mess.

Best luck for you both.

[aNOBLEman]

Glad to see the improvement! I hope that all keeps going well.

[Doug_Dread]

At last! After months of constantly striking Terry’s flint, the spark has finally ignited a fire in her belly to get going. She told the Physio and Occupational Therapists: “Stop treating me like I’m going to break and let’s get to work, I’ll tell you when it hurts too much and I need to rest.” The rehab’s Psychiatrist has changed her happy pills and I think that’s also allowed her mind to clear and take charge. The old strength and determination has resurfaced and the hypothetical kitten had better just stay out of her way if it wants to lead a long and happy life.

I had a meeting with the rehab team last Thursday and told them their expectations didn’t match ours, so they should upgrade theirs. I also told them Terry is tougher than they thought and they should push her a bit harder. Terry is very grateful to me for this… at least I think that’s what she means when she says: “Thank you! Thank you very bloody damn much for making them work my ass off!”

The outride didn’t happen over the weekend, the doctor is worried about infections in her leg wounds. We apparently have to complete a leave application form which gets evaluated by the whole rehab team before she can leave the premises. Nevertheless, we had a good 2 days outdoors, picnicking under a lapa in the garden. Terry’s reached the point now when she stays in her wheelchair and doesn’t have to spend any time in bed during the day, taking all her meals at the dining table. Her mood at the end of the day is tired, but content and proud of her progress.

She’s able to talk clearly and strongly again, no longer having to push her fingers into the trachy hole (through the dressing of course), to stop the leak. That’s enabled her to use her cellphone freely and call up friends and family to chat whenever the mood grabs her.

Long way to go yet but the mountain is not looking quite as formidable.

[Cyco]

Great to hear she is back to her fighting self, and that the team is ready to help her get there

[Mr.Tiv]

This is fantastic news. I wish I could tell you happy this makes me, but I just can't find the proper words.

[magracer]

That sounds great... She's definetely a fighter, and you are a good match. My thoughts are with you for a fast recovery.