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Thread: Perks to being a RICER

  1. #1
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    Perks to being a RICER

    I found this on the web and though it was comical. enjoy!

    "Let's face it folks, those body kits dont add any aerodynamic properties to the car, nor do they reduce weight or even look good, and please dont get me started on whale tails, MOMO and APC.

    The body kit has evolved over the years from being a cheap way of getting the "lowered" look without actually having any mechanical ability. Then it progressed to the long list of excuses to "it makes my car more aerodynamic", once again their theory was shot down in a matter of milleseconds. Now, its finally come to rest at the "i just want to look different than every other car out there". Ok, i can respect that... Since we are all car enthusiasts, i'm willing to help out, give some tips to those who want to be different.

    First, you must have a wing/tail/spoiler. Not only are these a very simple install on your whip, but they make your car look aggressive and powerful, much like the alpha male in a wolf pack.

    Secondly, to be different you have to have at the very minimum a 19" chrome wheel, and if you can afford it, Sprewell's. The stock rim is a pathetic attempt at styling, and to be honest you know what looks best. Stock in this area is extremely boring, who wants to look at stock rims?

    Third, ...whats that sound? I cant hear anything either... that must because you have a stock exhaust. That just won't do, not only can you customize the total look of your car, you can create its own custom sound signature!! Remember, bigger pipes equal more air flow and better effeciency from your motor.

    Fourth, window tinting. How careless of the factory not to already half lemonize your window with half yellow limo tint and half smoke? This can add much value to your ride, always be prepared and bring a quality squeege.

    Fifth, mono wiper. Let me tell you if i had a dime for every argument i got into with a mechanical engineer about how ineffecient a dual wiper system is over the single wiper, i'd be a rich rich man.

    Sixth, interior detailing. This is an easy thing to over look since you are the only one who sees the interior while your driving right? Wrong, those hunnies on the corner of Hollywood and Vine will always check a ride over thoroughly before they get in the car of just anyone's car. Make sure yours is accented perfectly with contrasting colors to really draw attention to the accents of the car. We all can't forget 3rd grade color theory and the color wheel right?

    Seventh, Neons. Nothing says "i've customized my ride so you know which Civic is mine" like a set of neon lights. Strategically place neons in places which will give off the most afterglow of a light, license plates are a great place for those, not to mention your dash board. Driving at night can be hazardous, having one on your dash alerts other drivers to stay away from your ride because its custom and one of a kind.

    Eigth, Carbon fiber. Honestly, is there such a thing as too much carbon fiber? I would argue no. Its light, super trick and will never rust so you can have your custom whip that much longer! Besides, what fine hoe ever said to you, "thats a sexy stock rear view mirrror" and meant it!?! I rest my case.

    Ninth, Stereo. Be the loudest, its what its all about. You will be the coolest kid on the block with your booming system, not because you like it loud, but because your so deaf that you need it that loud to actually hear the music. Always, and this is a must... Play rap music from some rapper no one has ever heard of to prove that you are hardcore about the music and not some poser.

    Now people, i've only given you a little taste of what its like to be different in the world of cars and custom whips. There are millions of other things to customize on your car, you're smart. You can figure out trick shiz to pull off on your car, remember you're the tuner!! If its fugly, it must be different and different is good.

    Do all of these things and you'll be different, just like everyone else."

    www.anti-rice.com
    "Horsepower sells motor cars, but torque wins motor races."
    -Carrol Shelby

  2. #2
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    haha, "at the minimum 19" chrome rims."
    2011 Honda Civic Si

    ATHEIST and damn proud of it.

  3. #3
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    Look up perks in the dictionary.
    PPC - Put a V8 in it!

  4. #4
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    Look at the pics on the site. Awful cars. I wonder what people are thinking...
    Reginald *IB4R* says:
    it was a beautiful 35 seconds.
    David says:
    that's what she said

  5. #5
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    ricers suck...pasta rockets for life..
    Ferrari will be WCC. Whoever wins the WDC will be from the Scuderia.........Yet who?

  6. #6
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    I wonder if you riced a aztek if it would look better

  7. #7
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    I ashamed to say this but if you ever come to Guatemala you would come to Ricerland cause people here do Rice their rides to a x1000 lvl!
    In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women. -Tony Montana

  8. #8
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    A few commercials of the new GTI, anti-rice, and funny as well.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kp8ZbqtjQW0

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsxFQmUGUY8
    "Horsepower sells motor cars, but torque wins motor races."
    -Carrol Shelby

  9. #9
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    Also, if your in the mood for an unappreciative, numb-minded, stupid, but superfical and hot chick's attention, rice may help.

    Also, rice is good with si-chuan stewed beef.
    it was actually me who killed vasilli zaitsev, heinz thorwald, carlos hatchcock, and simo hayha

  10. #10
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    Newest from Honda. Announces its I-Type R
    Attached Images Attached Images
    "Horsepower sells motor cars, but torque wins motor races."
    -Carrol Shelby

  11. #11
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    Speaking of things like Segways, at Goodwood Festival of Speed 2005 there was some form of Toyota scooter thing. lean to steer, forwards to accelerate and leaning back applied the brakes.

    I don't think there are any perks to ricing, I saw a Toyota Supra Turbo with 23" chromed rims with spinners, orange pearly paint and a wing as big as an original Mini... I could have slept in the exhaust pipe too! It was the definition of vomit inducing
    V0R5PRU7NG DUR6CH T3CHN1K

    Motion & Emotion

  12. #12
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    People are missing the sarcasm here. Guess its pretty hard to communicate sarcasm over the internet.
    "Horsepower sells motor cars, but torque wins motor races."
    -Carrol Shelby

  13. #13
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    i see what your saying. i have a friend that totally ruined his bmw 325 with a body kit. i might find a pic of it to post on here. maybe we can get anobleman to talk about it. it is quite funny
    Ucp's #1 Toyota Supra fanatic......still.

    2006 Scion tC..
    Forced Induction - Props to Dezod Motorsports & PTuning

  14. #14
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    In aberdeen there is beach prominade. I heard recently that some teen was caught doing 80mph on it. It mostly consists of people using their mums corsa with bean tins on the exhaust. see:
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/low/scotland/4916556.stm
    and for fun:
    http://www.freewebs.com/lewzer/ned_for_speed_.jpg
    autozine.org

  15. #15
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    He can't have been in a Corsa, they need the entire length of Scotland to get to 80mph.
    PPC - Put a V8 in it!

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