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Thread: Caligula: Be warned.

  1. #1
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    Caligula: Be warned.

    Alright, so the wife and I decide to curl up with a classic film the other night. We go to the Movielery and pick out Caligula.

    "Why not," we reason. We both have an interest in the fall of Rome, as all half-bright Americans seem to these days, and it's go Peter O'Toole and the guy out of A Clockwork Orange in it.

    We'd both heard it was a rather lewd film, but we're both grownups, so who cares? They said The Grapes of Wrath was lewd too once...

    All looks promising as the DVD started rolling. Gore Vidal wrote the screenplay, we learn while watching the opening credits.

    "That's the guy who wrote pretty much the definitive book on Lincoln," I quip, happy with our selection. Then, rather less encouragingly, "A Penthouse Films Production" proudly pops up on the screen.

    Oh, dear.

    Turns out, Caligula features more beaver than Marty Stouffer's Wild America and more phallic imagery than the back of a Tori Amos album cover — not to mention a score of genuine, accept-no-substitutes, penises.

    We're neither of us prudes, my wife and I, but 5 minutes into an uncut and gratuitous closeup of a lesbian oral sex scene we're both a bit off-put.

    You won't often hear the 'Quail speak out against acts of wanton lesbianism, especially if somebody's filming it, but the bizarre background score and distasteful '70's porn soft-filter lighting made all the "erotica" scenes seem decidedly disturbing.

    There's a good script in there, though. Gore Vidal wrote it, after all, inexplicably, and we were both quite impressed. The acting, performed convincingly and fittingly in the style of a stage production, was also quite good.

    It was one of the oddest films I've ever seen, and the only time I'll probably ever say of a movie rented from the "classics" section "it was good except for all the sex."

    It was better than Cloverfield anyway...

    So, it'd be a family-splitting birthday present DVD for your history buff nephew, but a decent enough film if you've got the stomach for it. My wife and I barely did and we're pretty depraved, so be warned.

    So there you go. That's 'Quail's take on Caligula. I give it three and a half stars out of five possible stars for cinema, but only half a beaver out of a possible ten beavers for porn.
    Last edited by LandQuail; 02-18-2008 at 11:23 PM.
    I'm erudite ;-)

  2. #2
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    Judging from other posts....was it the movie that sobered you up?

    I did see it, (over 25 years ago) and it did strike me as something special, though compared what is made these days it is not that extravagant. However, if you have plans to witness an in-depth story on Roman culture and arts, you might want to look for something else.

  3. #3
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    Wow ... you didnt' know about Caligula ? It was infamous in it's day.
    ALso, from a historical perspective, it's a"gentle" reminder of what life in Roman times was actually like !!
    Be honest, you hated it because it always looks bigger on screen
    "A woman without curves is like a road without bends, you might get to your destination quicker but the ride is boring as hell'

  4. #4
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    I've read Caligula in Latin and indeed quite a few scene's were not for young readers. All the blood and deaths, sex and intrigues.. But that was Roman life, they were not exactly as subtle as we are now...

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    You didn't notice that it was produced by Penthouse publisher Robert Guccione?

  6. #6
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    Was it the unrated version? From Wiki:

    The unrated version, available in the U.S. and mainland Europe, running 156 minutes (NTSC) and 150 minutes (PAL). This is the most widely seen cut of the film. It enjoyed a limited, albeit highly profitable, run in the American cinemas. This version contained significant explicit sexual and violent content, including sex orgies, masturbation, fellatio, cunnilingus, anal fisting, male and female homosexuality, cross-dressing and transvestism, sibling incest, rape, male and female urination as well as scenes of decapitation of prisoners using a lawn-mower-type device (which is unlikely to have actually existed), implied fratricide, penile castration and testicle castration.

  7. #7
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    I've heard that a lot of footage was shot in an attempt to make a real movie out of Caligula, but that Bob Guccione actually locked the director out of the editing room and made his own cut of the film.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Matra et Alpine View Post
    Wow ... you didnt' know about Caligula ? It was infamous in it's day.
    ALso, from a historical perspective, it's a"gentle" reminder of what life in Roman times was actually like !!
    Be honest, you hated it because it always looks bigger on screen
    *D (Drunk)

    A couple looked a bit bigger, perhaps, but everyone knows the camera adds five pounds.

    I'd always heard that Caligula was a lewd, pornographic film. But I've always heard Indecent Proposal was a lewd, pornographic film also.

    It was a matter of degree that totally ****ed up our classic film night.

    We rented another film, which we watched after Caligula, which was quite good.

    It was called Sunshine and featured that kid that looks like Clark out of Smallville, but actually isn't. In truth, it was the kid who sprays everyone with LSD in the new Batman movie starring the rather serious guy out of The Machinist but significantly more buff.

    Sunshine was about a team of sexy, young Abercrombie models who, for whatever reason, get picked to save the Earth by driving a spaceship to the dying Sun and shooting a Manhattan-sized nuclear bomb at it.

    It was never explained why only young, sexy Abercrombie models were chosen for the mission, but the middle-aged Japanese captain of the ship was the only one that wasn't always trying so hard to be young, nubile, lithe and sexy.

    The Japanese captain was incinerated 20 minutes into the movie, leaving us to concentrate on younger and more nubile, lithe, sexy characters.

    As the film progressed about half the remaining crew died through what can only be described as misadventure. Towards the end, the film's only new character, SunMonsterMan, was introduced. He was barely explained and, for the most part, inconsequential to the film.

    You'd think a character like SunMonsterMan would have quite a bodycount in a film like this, but he didn't really make a dent on the admittedly small co-star population.

    To compare the setting (a silly-looking spaceship) to the world we live in, temperature changes would have been like influenza, polio and the Bubonic Plague. SunMonsterMan would have been like jellyfish stings. He stabbed one person to death, and she was asking for it by being so damn optimistic.

    'Quail won't give the ending away, but he was impressed with it. Given all the buildup about how spiritual driving a spaceship that looks for all the world like a colossal cocktail umbrella to the sun would be, it was utterly moving and appropriate.

    (Yeah, I know, a spaceship going to the sun would have to look like a cocktail umbrella. I still think it should have looked more like a fighter jet. They could have at least have the crew compartment spinning around to account for all the conspicuous gravity. You geeks.)
    Last edited by LandQuail; 02-20-2008 at 09:10 PM.
    I'm erudite ;-)

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Matra et Alpine View Post
    Wow ... you didnt' know about Caligula ? It was infamous in it's day.
    ALso, from a historical perspective, it's a"gentle" reminder of what life in Roman times was actually like !!
    Be honest, you hated it because it always looks bigger on screen
    Was it what!, I have read and seen previews onlys of this movie and it was white hot more porn lol.
    They had some pretty beautiful chicks back then.
    Last edited by SlickHolden; 02-21-2008 at 03:16 PM.
    "Just a matter of time i suppose"

    "The elevator is broke, So why don't you test it out"

    "I'm not trapped in here with all of you, Your all trapped in here with me"

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