Top 10: Douchemobiles - AskMen.com

[clutch-monkey]

Yes, dynamically they are good for what they are - but they still can hide the fact they are an SUV

this is very true, i remember driving one and thinking, hey this isn't bad at all..


then i remembered i was supposed to be in a porsche

[Cobrafan427]

I can't believe the Honda Civic isn't on this list. Not b/c it's a douchy car but b/c there are some pretty big d-bags that drive them. I can't tell you how many times i try to pass a Jersey broski in a civic on the highway around here and they speed up and then slow back down once ur behind them again. Complete idiots

[Kitdy]

Let me first say this to put you in the right frame of mind: In Wikipedia for a long time they listed the Cayenne as the successor to the 928, a front engine, V8, GT with excellent handling characteristics and everyday usability. Porsche then combined the characteristics of the 928 with a VW platform (not unlike what they did with the 356) to create a highly usable GT that could seat five and could be used off road. And by the way, it's been rallied in the Transsyberia Rally, where it won. How much more pedigree do you need?

Why do you need an SUV though? Would not a sedan - a Panamera say - suffice? Or a hatchback? Or a van?

What percentage of the time are you driving alone in the Cayenne?

Do you have family?

[NicFromLA]

As much as you can say Cayennes are an example of good engineering and hide their weight well, they are principly a tall lump that could NEVER be classified as a 'GT'. Yes, dynamically they are good for what they are - but they still can hide the fact they are an SUV. Putting a very high power engine in to get performance figures still can't fool us.

Why do you need an SUV though? Would not a sedan - a Panamera say - suffice? Or a hatchback? Or a van?

What percentage of the time are you driving alone in the Cayenne?

Do you have family?

About a year ago I acquired a 1962 Porsche 356 as a weekend car and decided I wanted to sell my M6 and buy something that comfortable for commuting, driving long distances and could be fun. M5? Horrible transmission and worse mpg than a Ferrari. M3 Sedan? Cheap looking interior. QP? Too expensive. CLS63/E63? I don't like MB (even though I do like that engine) and the interior felt cheap. Audi S4? Due for replacement. Audi S6? Reviews were terrible and I couldn't stand the abuse from Ferrer. Audi S8? A bit pricey and due for replacement. XF-R? Not out yet. Panamera? Not out yet (more on that car in a second). IS-F? In all fairness I didn't look at this car as much as I should have.

So when a family member offered me slightly used Cayenne Turbo for next to nothing I said sure. And what I've learned is that the car is shockingly good, not just good. Was I able to push the M6 farther? Yes, but at those speeds if I was pulled over I would be arrested, not just given a ticket.

I've driven the Panamera since then and I am not impressed, over all. The interior is beautifully made and I really like the car from the front. However I felt an almost total disconnect from the road (even in sport mode) and from the A pillar back the design really doesn't work.

[henk4]

French cars obviously never take a shower, they are conspicously absent from the list. (Oh wait, Americans don't know any French car....)

[Kitdy]

About a year ago I acquired a 1962 Porsche 356 as a weekend car and decided I wanted to sell my M6 and buy something that comfortable for commuting, driving long distances and could be fun. M5? Horrible transmission and worse mpg than a Ferrari. M3 Sedan? Cheap looking interior. QP? Too expensive. CLS63/E63? I don't like MB (even though I do like that engine) and the interior felt cheap. Audi S4? Due for replacement. Audi S6? Reviews were terrible and I couldn't stand the abuse from Ferrer. Audi S8? A bit pricey and due for replacement. XF-R? Not out yet. Panamera? Not out yet (more on that car in a second). IS-F? In all fairness I didn't look at this car as much as I should have.

So when a family member offered me slightly used Cayenne Turbo for next to nothing I said sure. And what I've learned is that the car is shockingly good, not just good. Was I able to push the M6 farther? Yes, but at those speeds if I was pulled over I would be arrested, not just given a ticket.

I've driven the Panamera since then and I am not impressed, over all. The interior is beautifully made and I really like the car from the front. However I felt an almost total disconnect from the road (even in sport mode) and from the A pillar back the design really doesn't work.

I find it hard to believe that a high centre of gravity fatassed SUV is better than many of those cars - even in your situation.

You also avoided my questions.

[NicFromLA]

Why do you need an SUV though? Would not a sedan - a Panamera say - suffice? Or a hatchback? Or a van?

What percentage of the time are you driving alone in the Cayenne?

Do you have family?

There really isn't any hatchback available in the US that fit my criteria, maybe the VW R32, but that was only sold in the US as a three door. If BMW sold the M5 Estate (with a DCT or torque converter auto) or Audi sold the RS6 Esate in the US I would have gone for that. Most of the other cars I considered were sedans, but in the end the Cayenne won out.

I find it hard to believe that a high centre of gravity fatassed SUV is better than many of those cars - even in your situation.

You also avoided my questions.

I don't care where the center of gravity is, at speeds under where you'd go to jail for driving them on a public road the Cayenne has grip for days and handles as good as any GT this side of the Ferrari 612.

[PRC777]

Why do you need an SUV though? Would not a sedan - a Panamera say - suffice? Or a hatchback? Or a van?

What percentage of the time are you driving alone in the Cayenne?

Do you have family?

Well, I think its that "ridin' high" douchebag mentality that we Americans are also known for that can be of tribute to the issue. Even if you think it isn't, it played a part somewhere in your taste in cars.
Its for this reason that I'm trading the CX-9 for the 3er.

[Matra et Alpine]

the Cayenne has grip for days and handles as good as any GT this side of the Ferrari 612.

Having driven mates, I cannot say a SINGLE GT that the Cayenne even comes CLOSE to matching. Acceleration is impressive. Braking is worrying, as it takes a bit longer to slow down and cornering is barely matching a Ford Focus ! DAMN good for an SUV, but a GT ??? Come on Nic, SERIOUSLY ?? Highways and sweeping slow roads, possibly, but not on 80% of the roads here in Scotland.

[Kitdy]

Having driven mates, I cannot say a SINGLE GT that the Cayenne even comes CLOSE to matching. Acceleration is impressive. Braking is worrying, as it takes a bit longer to slow down and cornering is barely matching a Ford Focus ! DAMN good for an SUV, but a GT ??? Come on Nic, SERIOUSLY ?? Highways and sweeping slow roads, possibly, but not on 80% of the roads here in Scotland.

Yeah... An SUV is an entirely different category.

[Ferrer]

Let me first say this to put you in the right frame of mind: In Wikipedia for a long time they listed the Cayenne as the successor to the 928, a front engine, V8, GT with excellent handling characteristics and everyday usability. Porsche then combined the characteristics of the 928 with a VW platform (not unlike what they did with the 356) to create a highly usable GT that could seat five and could be used off road. And by the way, it's been rallied in the Transsyberia Rally, where it won. How much more pedigree do you need?

I'm sorry but I have to completely disagree. And I also have to say that it saddens me that such a great petrolhead like you is the one that's trying to defend the Cayenne.

First of all, the Cayenne is just plain wrong. You can try to justify as much as you want, and yes I'm sure it's practical, and comfortable, and it turns and well and it is a remarkable engineering achievement and so on and so forth.

None of this matters though, because the simple fact of the matter is the Cayenne it's a truck. It may be a great truck, but a truck nonetheless. And as a result it doesn't go nowhere near as well as a car, when used as one.

You argue that the Cayenne can do an awesome turn of speed for a three tone vehicle. Sure, but are you, of all people, suggesting that speed is everything? Because, I'd be a bit disappointed if you were. Speed is a part of what makes driving great, certainly, but it is just a small part. A fast car that isn't rewarding or enjoyable is just plain useless.

And I'm sorry but no matter how good Porsche's boffins are, and I'm sure they are pretty damn good, the Cayenne will never be as balanced, as rewarding, as delicate, as, in a word, good as a car. A good car is never judged by speed. A good car feels as good doing 30mph as it does doing 130mph.

As everyone knows by now I don't like Audis. They are just plain wrong and the worshipers are far worse. But at least they are cars, they are not trying to make better, principles that are inherently wrong. Because, weight and a high CG, just to mention two, matter no matter at what speed you drive, if you like cars.

Did you want a more comfortable car? Fine. Buy a Jag XF or XJ, buy a big Bimmer. Even a Merc. But don't try to sell me that the Cayenne is a great grand tourer because it isn't. What it is is an afront to anyone who cares about and loves cars. Plain and simple.

[Matra et Alpine]

Just some numbers ....
Lap Times - Tsukuba Circuit Lap Times - Tsukuba Circuit Predicted Lap Times
cr*p forum software won't post a table properly
So go chek out the two cayenne entries.
Seems PLENTY of GTs beating it on all the tracks.
Even the Mazda RX-8 NON-ProDrive version does

[demonrunning07]

The Cadillac Escalade Hybrid makes me want to kill someone. If it's not the "douchiest" car on the U.S. market then I think it's at least the most pretentious .

[NicFromLA]

Having driven mates, I cannot say a SINGLE GT that the Cayenne even comes CLOSE to matching. Acceleration is impressive. Braking is worrying, as it takes a bit longer to slow down and cornering is barely matching a Ford Focus ! DAMN good for an SUV, but a GT ??? Come on Nic, SERIOUSLY ?? Highways and sweeping slow roads, possibly, but not on 80% of the roads here in Scotland.

Did it have the adjustable suspension? I know someone who has the V6 (which conceptually bothers me, a company with a great engine history like Porsche shouldn't be buying their engines from anyone) with out the adjustable and it feels very different. However, I will admit breaking to a dead stop I do feel the high center of gravity, but when I nail the breaks it STOPS.

I'm sorry but I have to completely disagree. And I also have to say that it saddens me that such a great petrolhead like you is the one that's trying to defend the Cayenne.

First of all, the Cayenne is just plain wrong. You can try to justify as much as you want, and yes I'm sure it's practical, and comfortable, and it turns and well and it is a remarkable engineering achievement and so on and so forth.

None of this matters though, because the simple fact of the matter is the Cayenne it's a truck. It may be a great truck, but a truck nonetheless. And as a result it doesn't go nowhere near as well as a car, when used as one.

You argue that the Cayenne can do an awesome turn of speed for a three tone vehicle. Sure, but are you, of all people, suggesting that speed is everything? Because, I'd be a bit disappointed if you were. Speed is a part of what makes driving great, certainly, but it is just a small part. A fast car that isn't rewarding or enjoyable is just plain useless.

And I'm sorry but no matter how good Porsche's boffins are, and I'm sure they are pretty damn good, the Cayenne will never be as balanced, as rewarding, as delicate, as, in a word, good as a car. A good car is never judged by speed. A good car feels as good doing 30mph as it does doing 130mph.

As everyone knows by now I don't like Audis. They are just plain wrong and the worshipers are far worse. But at least they are cars, they are not trying to make better, principles that are inherently wrong. Because, weight and a high CG, just to mention two, matter no matter at what speed you drive, if you like cars.

Did you want a more comfortable car? Fine. Buy a Jag XF or XJ, buy a big Bimmer. Even a Merc. But don't try to sell me that the Cayenne is a great grand tourer because it isn't. What it is is an afront to anyone who cares about and loves cars. Plain and simple.

I find my car completely rewarding an enjoyable. If it makes you feel any better in a year or so I'm probably going to get a 750i to replace it.

[Matra et Alpine]

However, I will admit breaking to a dead stop I do feel the high center of gravity, but when I nail the breaks it STOPS.

It's an S without the PASM.
Breaking in straight line is good, those big disks work well.
But braking in anything but a straight line and it pitches badly -- well for a Porsche -- and why I was saying it's nothing like a GT in real world.
On twisties it feels like it's stability control is working hard - never a good idea for when you then need the brakes to stop hard