Funny Jokes ... WARNING: may offend

[Jack_Bauer]

^ yeah, what were you looking for btw...?

A friend emailed it to me, honestly!

[CdocZ]

Someone want to explain?

[fisetdavid26]

Someone want to explain?

I'll let Wikipedia do wonders. Bukkake - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[CdocZ]

Now this is very amusing

[whiteballz]

hahahaha, That poor guy, I hope he doesnt lecture in japan anytime soon..

[2ndclasscitizen]

[whiteballz]

rofl @ the doctors!

[2ndclasscitizen]

A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and
invited all of his buddies and neighbours. He also invited Geoffrey , the only aboriginal in the neighbourhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.
Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns, oysters and BBQ and flirting. At the height of the party, the host said, "I
have a 15ft man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in.

"The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Geoffrey in the pool! Geoffrey was
fighting the croc and kicking its ass! Geoffrey was jabbing the croc in
the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of sh!t, like
head butts and chokeholds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the
croc through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Geoffrey and the
croc were screaming and raising hell.

Finally Geoffrey strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a K-mart goldfish. Geoffrey then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, "Well, Geoffrey , I reckon I owe you a million dollars."

Nah, you all right mate, I don't want it," said Geoffrey .

The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet."
"How about half a million bucks then?"

"No thanks. I don't want it," answered Geoffrey .

The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing.

How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?

Again Geoffrey said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, "Well Geoffrey , then what do you want?"

Geoffrey said, "I want the name of the cu*t who pushed me in the Pool.

[2ndclasscitizen]

[clutch-monkey]

Lol

[IBrake4Rainbows]

This is why it's ok to Lie to a police officer or at least don't overshare.

This next one goes out to you, Clutch.

[2ndclasscitizen]

[crisis]

There was a man who worked for Aust Post whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:

Dear God,
I am an 93 year old widow, living on a very small pension.
Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which
was all the money I had until my next pension cheque. Next
Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited my only living friend over for dinner.
Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to
turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?
Sincerely,
Edna


The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds he had collected $95, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:

Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?
Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious
dinner for my friend. We had a very nice day and I told my friend of your
wonderful gift.
By the way, there was $5 missing. I think it was those c**ts at the Post Office.

Sincerely,
Edna

[Jack_Bauer]

A little boy about 10 years old was walking down the road dragging a "flattened" frog on a string behind him.

He walked up to a house of ill repute and knocked on the door.

When the madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.

He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside.

I have the money, -- and I'm not leaving until I do."

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in and pick any of the girls he liked.

He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"

Of course, the madam said, "No."

He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making it with Amber.

THAT'S the girl I want!"

Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the madam told him to go to the first room on the right.

He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him.

Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the madam, and headed for the door.

The madam, really curious now, stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"

He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with my baby-sitter.

After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of little boys.

She will get the disease that I just caught.

When mum and dad get back, dad will take the baby-sitter home.

On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease.

When dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and mum will go to bed and have sex, and mum will catch it.

In the morning, after dad goes to work, the postman will deliver the mail, have a quickie with mum and catch the disease and............................................... ...
































HE'S the c*nt who ran over my frog!

[2ndclasscitizen]