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Thread: Funny Jokes ... WARNING: may offend

  1. #3016
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    Loving the Metal Gear reference.

  2. #3017
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    I think I' m a car nerd, as I found this to be hilarious. Sadly, it comes with neither blue paint nor titanium exhausts.
    Gurney's Eagle - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    "Kimi, can you improve on your [race] finish?"
    "No. My Finnish is fine; I am from Finland. Do you have any water?"

  3. #3018
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    Quote Originally Posted by f6fhellcat13 View Post
    I think I' m a car nerd, as I found this to be hilarious. Sadly, it comes with neither blue paint nor titanium exhausts.
    Gurney's Eagle - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    Well, both can fly!
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    '62 356S Notchback Hotrod
    '64 VW Microbus 21 Deluxe
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    '68 Mercedes 280 SL
    '62 BMW 700 Sport
    '63 BMW 700 Cabriolet
    '72 BMW 3.0CSL
    '72 BMW 3.0CSA
    '70 914/6 GT

  4. #3019
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    Do you know why your mom's a Dodge Ram? Because you've got to Dodge her fat ass when you Ram your (male sex organ) up her (female sex organ)
    I'm dropping out to create a company that starts with motorcycles, then cars, and forty years later signs a legendary Brazilian driver who has a public and expensive feud with his French teammate.

  5. #3020
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    Quote Originally Posted by kingofthering View Post
    Do you know why your mom's a Dodge Ram? Because you've got to Dodge her fat ass when you Ram your (male sex organ) up her (female sex organ)
    Please dont ever post in this thread again. Ever.
    The Datto will rage again...

  6. #3021
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    A bloke goes up to his wife and says: "Our sex life is boring, how about we do some role playing to spice things up?"

    She says: "What have you got in mind?"

    "How about a rape scenario?" he says.

    "No bloody way!"

    "That's the spirit!", he says.

  7. #3022
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    Quote Originally Posted by nota View Post
    a bloke goes up to his wife and says: "our sex life is boring, how about we do some role playing to spice things up?"

    she says: "what have you got in mind?"

    "how about a rape scenario?" he says.

    "no bloody way!"

    "that's the spirit!", he says.
    lmao
    Andreas Preuninger, Manager of Porsche High Performance Cars: "Grandmas can use paddles. They aren't challenging."

  8. #3023
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    Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

    Bit of both, this is a rape.

  9. #3024
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    " Thats the spirit! " Oh crap...
    Buddy: 1998-2009
    Mah boi, UCP is what all true warriors strive for!
    PINGAS!!!!

  10. #3025
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    So there's this bloke who's touring through bear country USA (forgive me, I've no idea where that would be, but you get the idea) and fancies himself a bit of a hunter. He decides he wants to get himself a bear shaped trophy for the wall of his house, so he wanders into a hunting supply shop and says "I want to hunt a bear, give me the best bear hunting gun you have." So the guy sells him a good hunting rifle, he stocks up with a week's worth of food and camping supplies and he wanders out to the forest to set up camp and find himself a bear.

    The bloke's been out in the forest for a week, he's just about out of supplies and he's not seen a bear anywhere. He's hiding in a little ditch watching a likely looking track when he suddenly sees the biggest bear he's ever seen ambling by, so he cocks his rifle and BANG, fires at the bear. The smoke clears and... nothing. No bear. He pops up from his hiding spot and wanders over to where the bear was to see what he can find, when suddenly he feels a tapping on his shoulder. He turns to find the bear staring down at him, frowning. "You tried to kill me" says the bear. "Well, I'm a hunter.. that's kind of what I do I guess" says the guy, a little concerned about what might happen. "Well," says the bear, "I'm going to have to kill you now." "Ah.. ah.." stutters the bloke, "Is there any way you could.. not?" The bear ponders for a moment and says "Well, lean forwards over that log, I'm going to have my way with you." "Erm.. is.. is that the only way out of this?" "Yes, it's either that or I'm going to kill you." So he does, and the bear has his way with him.

    Broken and sore, the bloke staggers back into the hunting store and says to the guy there "This gun is crap! I shot the bear bang on and he didn't die! I want something bigger!" "Well, I have this hear elephant gun, will that do?" This thing looks like it could knock a house over, so the bloke says "I'll take it!" and heads off back up into the hills again.

    A week later, the bloke's in the same place watching for this bear. Again, low on supplies and a little delerious, he's just about to fall asleep when the same bear comes ambling on by. BANG! The smoke clears... no bear. The bloke swears loudly, then feels a familiar tap on his shoulder. "You tried to kill me again. I thought we sorted this out last time." "Well, I.. you know, I kind of have to.." "Well, get over the log then." The bloke sighs, decides he doesn't want to die and gets over the log.

    5 hours later the bloke staggers out of the forest, he can hardly walk this time. He goes back to the hunting shop and convinces the guy to sell him the most deadly stuff he has. Armed to the teeth with mines, tripwires, rocket launchers and all sorts, he's back up to the forest. He digs in the mines, lays the tripwires, sets up alarm bells and all sorts and lies in wait for the bear to come on by. A few days later.. there he is. The bloke takes careful aim with with his rocket launcher, notes the bear near one of the trip wires and lets fly... BOOM!!! The forest all but explodes, there's crap flying everywhere, nothing could survive that. The hunter leaps up excitedly, happy he's finally gotten this bastard of a bear. He looks around for any bits of bear he can keep a as souvenier, but he can't find anything. Suddenly he feels a tap on his shoulder... The bear peers down at him and says "You're not here for the hunting are you..."
    Life's too short to drive bad cars.

  11. #3026
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    Bear country = Alaska, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, Colorado, Utah, etc...

  12. #3027
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    An Englishman, Scotsman, and an Irishman were all sitting together at a bar when a fly lands in each one of their beers. The Englishman says "Oh, that's revolting" and dumps his beer out. The Scotsman says "Eh, shit happens" and continues to drink his beer. The Irishman jumps up and shouts loudly at the fly, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"

  13. #3028
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    Andreas Preuninger, Manager of Porsche High Performance Cars: "Grandmas can use paddles. They aren't challenging."

  14. #3029
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    Remind me why we allow people like that to breed again?
    <cough> www.charginmahlazer.tumblr.com </cough>

  15. #3030
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    It's people like this that make me want to go live in an island away from it all, what a dumb ignorant b***h.
    "Religious belief is the “path of least resistance”, says Boyer, while disbelief requires effort."

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