Page 4 of 219 FirstFirst ... 234561454104 ... LastLast
Results 46 to 60 of 3284

Thread: Funny Jokes ... WARNING: may offend

  1. #46
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    CALGARY
    Posts
    1,578
    hehehehehe good one
    here is a good internet joke seizurerobots.com
    Wenn Sie wissen wollen, was einen volkswagen ein volkswagen macht, treibt es.

  2. #47
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Hamilton Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    1,860
    Found, merged and stuck

  3. #48
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    ACT,Canberra Australia
    Posts
    6,086
    A midget need to use the urinals in a resteraunt so he got the owner to get him a garbage bim to stand on and there he is pissing away untill a guy come in next to him and uses the urinal right next to him "jesus christ your balls are huge mate!" exlaimed the midget "can i fell the weight of them?" the guy next to him was neverous at first but relented eventually and lets the midget bob them up and down and all of a suddan he wraps his hands around them "give us your wallet or ill jump off the bin"

  4. #49
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    nr Edinburgh, Whisky-soaked Scotland
    Posts
    27,778
    A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large
    beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
    "Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.
    The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that
    this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says
    some pretty vulgar stuff."

    The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird
    anyway.She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room
    and waited for it to say something.
    The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new
    madam."

    The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's
    not so bad."

    When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them
    and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
    The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh
    about the situation. Moments later, the woman's husband, came home
    from work.

    The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith."

  5. #50
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    Adelaide
    Posts
    6,153
    Two guys are moving about in a supermarket when their carts collide. The first one says to the other, "Sorry about that, I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't watching where I was going." The second guy says, "What a coincidence, I'm looking for my wife too, and I'm getting a little desperate." The first guy says "Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?" The second guy answers, "She's tall, with red hair, wet blue eyes, long legs, big firm breasts, and a tight butt. What does your wife look like?" To which the first guy replies, "Never mind, let's look for yours."
    "A string is approximately nine long."
    Egg Nogg 02-04-2005, 05:07 AM

  6. #51
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    dXb
    Posts
    754
    chek this:

    Hey, Dad, did you know Mom thinks you're perfect?"
    "Really, son? How do you know."

    "Well, I heard her say it to Mrs. Smith."

    "Oh? When was that?"

    "Right before she used the word 'idiot.'"

    wat the hell do i put as a siggy?!?!?!

  7. #52
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    dXb
    Posts
    754


    Top Ten Messages on Britney Spears' Answering Machine


    10. "This is the printing company. Your wedding announcements are ready"

    9. "Hey, it's Christina Aguilera, did you get married or did I?"

    8. "It's the printing company. Your annulment announcements are ready"

    7. "Rush Limbaugh here. I'd love to try whatever you were taking the other night."

    6. "So other than the embarrassing marriage and annulment, how was Vegas?"

    5. "Hey, it's Paris. You don't need to get married to get attention. Just have sex on the internet."

    4. "This is Kenny from high school. I have a couple of hours free on Thursday if you want to get married and divorced."

    3. "Honey, it's Liza. Next time, instead of an annulment, hit him with a bottle."

    2. "It's Jessica Simpson. Thanks for making me look like a genius."

    1. "Pete Rose here. I bet 10,000 dollars on your marriage lasting a week"
    wat the hell do i put as a siggy?!?!?!

  8. #53
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    dXb
    Posts
    754
    jus keep gettin better (read: dumber)!!!

    Ground Zero gawker sues for garbage-truck injury





    A freelance photographer who suffered brain damage after falling off a garbage truck he climbed atop to take pictures of Ground Zero is suing the carting company for $50 million.
    Lawyers for the victim, Robert Levin, accuse Waste Management LLP and its truck driver of "failure to respect the plaintiff's rights as a pedestrian," according to court papers filed in Brooklyn Supreme Court.

    The carting company's attorney said Levin's own "negligence, carelessness and recklessness" caused him to fall off the truck on Dec. 19, 2001, at 1:40 a.m.

    Levin sneaked on top of the truck, which was parked near Greenwich and Carlisle Sts. in lower Manhattan, to get a better view of the site of the terrorist attack.

    "Obviously, he never thought in a million years the truck would move, so I don't think his actions were negligent," said Levin's lawyer Howard Klar of Manhattan.

    John Marzulli

    wat the hell do i put as a siggy?!?!?!

  9. #54
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    Adelaide
    Posts
    6,153
    Should children witness childbirth?

    Due to a power outage at the time, only one paramedic responded to
    the call.

    The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn, a 3-year
    old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while
    he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was
    asked.

    Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born.

    The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his
    bottom. Connor began to cry.

    The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help and asked the
    wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
    Katelyn quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the
    first place. Smack him again."
    "A string is approximately nine long."
    Egg Nogg 02-04-2005, 05:07 AM

  10. #55
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    Adelaide
    Posts
    6,153
    Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day, he comes across a Harley with a for sale sign on it.
    The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolutely mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in
    such great condition for 10 years.

    "Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe
    a jar of Vaseline.

    That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have
    to tell you something about my family before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."

    "No problem," he says. And in they go.

    Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.

    They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a
    word. So he reaches over and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off,
    throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back
    down, but no one says a word.

    He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body", he thinks. So he grabs the mom! , bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner
    table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.

    All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.

    Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.

    Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All right, enough - I'll do the f*cking dishes!"
    "A string is approximately nine long."
    Egg Nogg 02-04-2005, 05:07 AM

  11. #56
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Deerfield Beach, Florida
    Posts
    5,802
    Hahahaha Crisis great joke


    Kid: mom mom I dont wanna go to the bahamas

    Mom: shut up and keep swimming
    Last edited by Niko_Fx; 02-24-2004 at 07:52 PM.

  12. #57
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    Adelaide
    Posts
    6,153
    George W Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war.
    After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his
    hand, and the President asks him his name. "Billy!" "And what is your question, Billy?"
    "I have three questions:
    First - why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?;
    Second - why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?; and
    Third - whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?"
    Just then the bell rings for recess. George W. Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
    When they resumed, the President says, "Okay where were we?
    Oh that's right - question time. Who has a question?"
    A different little boy puts his hand, George points him out and ask his name.
    "Steve!"
    "And what is your question, Steve?"
    "I have five questions:
    First - why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?;
    Second - why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?;
    Third - whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?;
    Fourth - why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?; and
    Fifth - what happened to Billy?"
    "A string is approximately nine long."
    Egg Nogg 02-04-2005, 05:07 AM

  13. #58
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Deerfield Beach, Florida
    Posts
    5,802
    Quote Originally Posted by crisis
    George W Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war.
    After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his
    hand, and the President asks him his name. "Billy!" "And what is your question, Billy?"
    "I have three questions:
    First - why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?;
    Second - why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?; and
    Third - whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?"
    Just then the bell rings for recess. George W. Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
    When they resumed, the President says, "Okay where were we?
    Oh that's right - question time. Who has a question?"
    A different little boy puts his hand, George points him out and ask his name.
    "Steve!"
    "And what is your question, Steve?"
    "I have five questions:
    First - why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?;
    Second - why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?;
    Third - whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?;
    Fourth - why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?; and
    Fifth - what happened to Billy?"

    LOL !!!!!!!! What do I have to say about that joke? Just check my Avatar!!
    Attached Images Attached Images
    Last edited by Niko_Fx; 02-25-2004 at 12:30 PM.

  14. #59
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    Adelaide
    Posts
    6,153
    A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me... I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

    The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

    "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He held her hand and said, "Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then ........... " he sighed, "let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box."
    "A string is approximately nine long."
    Egg Nogg 02-04-2005, 05:07 AM

  15. #60
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    210
    haha LOL that last one really does it . In fact, the only one I really Laughed Out Loud...

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. is this funny?
    By r34_296kw in forum Miscellaneous
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 05-31-2004, 12:38 AM
  2. Joke of the day
    By Kudosdude in forum Miscellaneous
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 06-18-2003, 01:34 PM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •