Funny Jokes ... WARNING: may offend

[carlover]

i don't get that one

Think about it: screw in a lightbulb.

[Batmobile_Turbo]

Think about it: screw in a lightbulb.

ooooooooh!! difficult to get but very funny

[New]

A person decided to be soccer coach and saw a kid standin in 1 spot.The next 2 days he was there.finaly man asked are you ok LOL I am the goalie

[SilverG35SportC]

heres a funny Micheal Jackson one, well actually two.

Theres a plane flying over some mountains in the Alps when all of a sudden the engine catches on fire. Micheal Jackson and the pilot grab the parachutes while two kids are still standing in the back without them.
Michal Jackson says to the pilot" What about the kids?" The Pilot merly replies " F**k the kids!" Micheal Jackson says in a quizzical voice" DO we have time?"

hahahah that ones gold.

Heres another.

What do McDonalds and Michael Jackson both have in commmon? THey both stick their meat between 12 year old buns.

[Batmobile_Turbo]

What do McDonalds and Michael Jackson both have in commmon? THey both stick their meat between 12 year old buns.

i have a similar one:
what does wal mart and michal jackson have in common?
little boys pants half-off

[SilverG35SportC]

ahahahah that ones good

[carlover]

Why does Wacko Jacko like twenty eight year olds?
Because there's twenty of them!

[The Tuner]

chek this:

wat do pimples and jackson have in common?

pimples wait till ure 15 before coming all over ure face!

[mechanixfetch]

chek this:

wat do pimples and jackson have in common?

pimples wait till ure 15 before coming all over ure face!

That is quite foul but funny as well

[NoOne]

Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

A: Oral sex makes your whole day and anal sex makes your hole weak.

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Q:Which doesn't belong: your eggs, your wife, your meat or a blowjob?

A:A blowjob - you can beat your eggs, you can beat your wife and you can beat your meat, but you can't beat a blowjob.

[crisis]

Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

A: Oral sex makes your whole day and anal sex makes your hole weak.

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Q:Which doesn't belong: your eggs, your wife, your meat or a blowjob?

A:A blowjob - you can beat your eggs, you can beat your wife and you can beat your meat, but you can't beat a blowjob.

Nasty joke are ususally the funniest. Unfortunately no points courtesy of the Nazi!

[ace]

Richard bought a brand new Holden Monaro. He took off down the road, pushed it up to 150kmph, and was enjoying the wind blowing through his (thinning) hair. "This is great," he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed. Then, he looked in his rear-view mirror, and there was a Police Car behind him, blue lights flashing. "I can get away from him with no problem" thought Richard and he floored it some more, winding the Monaro out to over 210kmph to escape being stopped.

He then thought, "What the hell am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing" and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the Police car to catch up with him. The cop pulled in behind the Monaro and walked up on the driver's side. "Sir my shift ends in five minutes and today is Friday the 13th. If you can give me a good reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

Richard looked back at the Policeman and said, "Last week my wife ran off with a Policeman, and I thought you were bringing her back." The Policeman said, "Have a nice day."

[Homem de Gelo]

Um bêbado entrou num supermercado e viu uma mulher no caixa pagando as suas compras. Entres as compras da mulher estavam um quilo de carne, duas dúzias de ovos, um quilo de farinha de mandioca e detergente líquido.

O bêbado olhou para a mulher e disse, enquanto, abraçado a uma garrafa vazia de cachaça, cambaleava e lutava para ficar de pé. - Ô, moça. Eu...sei. Eu sei, Você é solteira. Eu sei de tudo.

A mulher olhou para o bêbado e disse - sai daqui vagabundo.

O bêbado então se virou e deixou o supermercado em direção ao estacionamento.

Quando a moça chegou no seu carro no estacionamento, viu o bêbado pedindo esmola e lembrou do que ele havia dito. Ela estava muito curiosa para saber como o bêbado sabia que ela era solteira, então ela perguntou para o bêbado, que estava a alguns metros dela. - Como você sabe que sou solteira? Foi por causa das minhas compras?

O bêbado olhou, parou, pensou e, juntando todas as suas forças, respondeu -Não. É porque você é feia pra caralho!

[carlover]

Um bêbado entrou num supermercado e viu uma mulher no caixa pagando as suas compras. Entres as compras da mulher estavam um quilo de carne, duas dúzias de ovos, um quilo de farinha de mandioca e detergente líquido.

O bêbado olhou para a mulher e disse, enquanto, abraçado a uma garrafa vazia de cachaça, cambaleava e lutava para ficar de pé. - Ô, moça. Eu...sei. Eu sei, Você é solteira. Eu sei de tudo.

A mulher olhou para o bêbado e disse - sai daqui vagabundo.

O bêbado então se virou e deixou o supermercado em direção ao estacionamento.

Quando a moça chegou no seu carro no estacionamento, viu o bêbado pedindo esmola e lembrou do que ele havia dito. Ela estava muito curiosa para saber como o bêbado sabia que ela era solteira, então ela perguntou para o bêbado, que estava a alguns metros dela. - Como você sabe que sou solteira? Foi por causa das minhas compras?

O bêbado olhou, parou, pensou e, juntando todas as suas forças, respondeu -Não. É porque você é feia pra caralho!

This is the best translation I could get:

A drunk entered in a supermarket and saw a woman in the box paying its purchases. You enter the purchases of the woman were one kilo of meat, two dozens of eggs, one kilo of cassava flour and liquid detergent. The drunk looked at for the woman and said, while, hugged to an empty bottle of cachaça, he cambaleava and he fought to be of foot. - Ô, young woman. I... know. I know, You I am single. I know of everything. The woman looked at for the drunk and said - daqui leaves vagabond. The drunk then turned over and left the supermarket in direction to the parking. When the young woman arrived in its car in the parking, saw the drunk asking for alms and remembered of that it had said. It was very curious to know as the drunk wise person who it was single, then it asked for the drunk, who was to some meters of it. - How you know that I am single? He was because of my purchases? The drunk looked at, stopped, thought e, joining all its forces, answered - Not. He is because you pra is ugly caralho!

I used this site to transaltate. It didn't come out that well so could you transalate it to Englis HBoss?

[The Tuner]

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: ordering three pints and drinking them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking."