Go to Ultimatecarpage.com

Go Back   Ultimatecarpage.com forums > General forums > Miscellaneous


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #3271  
Old 06-11-2013, 08:01 PM
Sledgehammer's Avatar
Sledgehammer Sledgehammer is offline
Super Moderator
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,824
USA, Colorado, Vallecito Lake
This would give me a reason to break into my mates car and install this onto his shifter. I would crap a brick to see his face when he gets back into his car.

*edit* Sticking with the thread.
A bear walks into a bar in Billings Nebraska, he has had a hard day of forging for berries and walking all day. He sits down on the bar stool and calls the bartender over. The bear says "give me a beer" to the bartender. The bartender replies "im sorry but we dont serve beer to bears in bars in Billings." The bear was confused and upset and growled menacingly at the bartender "I said I want a beer now." The bartender looks back at the bear and says plainly "im sorry, but I said that we are not allowed to serve beer to bears in bars in Billings. The bear stands up on his hindlegs and towers over the bartender and roars "You will either give me a beer right now, or do you see that sexy blond over there down the bar, I will go over there and eat her right now." The bartender looking sadly at the blond states "you do what you have to, but we are not allowed to serve beer to bears in bars in Billings." So the bear walks down to the blond and rips her apart, eating her head and legs and blood and guts are all over the place, the bear lumbers back over to the bar stool he was at and slowly gets back onto the bar stool and has blood all over him. He said to the bartender, you wanna give me a beer now? The bartender gets angry now and says to the bear, "Listen, I told you three times now, we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings and we certainly do not serve beer to bears in bars who are on drugs!" The bear draws back and says, "What do you mean, I'm not on drugs?" The bartender steps towards the bear and leans in, "Oh yea? that was a barbituate."
__________________
"Horsepower sells motor cars, but torque wins motor races."
-Carrol Shelby

Last edited by Sledgehammer; 06-11-2013 at 08:10 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #3272  
Old 06-11-2013, 08:08 PM
pimento's Avatar
pimento pimento is offline
Fanatic
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 6,536
Perth, Australia
Useful new service.

Attached Images
File Type: jpg LCHUpEV[1].jpg (88.2 KB, 103 views)
__________________
Life's too short to drive bad cars.
Reply With Quote
  #3273  
Old 09-24-2013, 04:07 AM
Matra et Alpine's Avatar
Matra et Alpine Matra et Alpine is offline
Super Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 27,781
nr Edinburgh, Whisky-soaked Scotland
Sorry, mate on a roll that is making me groan.

only medicine I can come up with is to spread the pain



Freddie Mercury had just finished his meal in a Greek restaurant when the waiter came over with a couple of plates for him to smash.
"Can you go and get me another one please?" asked Freddie Mercury.
"Why?" Asked the waiter.
"I want to break three."


Nice offer on Amazon - if you buy all Adam & The Ants sheet music, they'll throw in a stand and deliver.


When my wife said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.
And then I saw her face.



I've founded a band called The Prevention.
We're going to be better than The Cure.



I've just written a song called 'Broken Alarm Clock Blues'. It starts off...
'I woke up this afternoon...'


My girlfriend's dad is so posh,
he calls Roger Daltrey's band The Whom.
__________________
"A woman without curves is like a road without bends, you might get to your destination quicker but the ride is boring as hell'
Reply With Quote
  #3274  
Old 09-24-2013, 07:13 AM
pimento's Avatar
pimento pimento is offline
Fanatic
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 6,536
Perth, Australia
If my flash plugin was working I'd try and find a way to embed this.

Anyway, Jamie's Joke of the Week.
__________________
Life's too short to drive bad cars.
Reply With Quote
  #3275  
Old 12-05-2014, 02:21 PM
NSXType-R's Avatar
NSXType-R NSXType-R is offline
Furniture
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 11,441
East Coast of the United States
Just a bump on this thread...

I was talking to a classmate of mine who owns a Mazda Miata. I brought up the fact that there were very special editions of the Miata that were hardtop coupes. They are very rare, and very pretty.

BUBBLE ERA EXCESS: The story of Mazdas M2 brand, Part 02 | Japanese Nostalgic Car

Well, I was saying "they look incredibly good, especially from the rear...".

Then, a girl, who is quite attractive herself, sits right next to us as we're about to start class.

It was interesting trying to convince her of what we were actually talking about.

Last edited by NSXType-R; 12-05-2014 at 06:09 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #3276  
Old 12-05-2014, 03:20 PM
Kitdy's Avatar
Kitdy Kitdy is offline
Furniture
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 10,015
You coulda lied and said you were talking about her.

This is the one you want:

Reply With Quote
  #3277  
Old 12-05-2014, 06:13 PM
NSXType-R's Avatar
NSXType-R NSXType-R is offline
Furniture
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 11,441
East Coast of the United States
Yes!

That's the one!
Reply With Quote
  #3278  
Old 12-06-2014, 03:56 AM
Ferrer's Avatar
Ferrer Ferrer is offline
Furniture
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 33,166
Barcelona
Send a message via MSN to Ferrer
Yep, probably lying would've net a better result.

By the way, I want a Mazda to release a hardtop version of the latest MX-5, buy it, then realise I've made a terrible mistake, sell it, buy an Alfa Romeo, etc.
__________________
Lack of charisma can be fatal.
Visca Catalunya!
Reply With Quote
  #3279  
Old 12-06-2014, 11:05 AM
Kitdy's Avatar
Kitdy Kitdy is offline
Furniture
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 10,015
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ferrer View Post
Yep, probably lying would've net a better result.

By the way, I want a Mazda to release a hardtop version of the latest MX-5, buy it, then realise I've made a terrible mistake, sell it, buy an Alfa Romeo, etc.
That sounds about right.

I want to see an eye-job on the new Miata then all will be well...er.

Is there a joke here?
Reply With Quote
  #3280  
Old 04-09-2016, 08:20 AM
NSXType-R's Avatar
NSXType-R NSXType-R is offline
Furniture
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 11,441
East Coast of the United States
Hey would you look at that, speaking of hardtop Miatas...

The other day I was talking about the Subaru Impreza WRX STI with a friend and I very loudly said, "I wish I could get an STI in the future." A girl overhears it and does a double take, because STI also stands for Sexually Transmitted Infection.

Mind you, we're all classmates training to be medical professionals.
Reply With Quote
  #3281  
Old 06-21-2016, 02:49 PM
NSXType-R's Avatar
NSXType-R NSXType-R is offline
Furniture
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 11,441
East Coast of the United States
If you zoom in on the image, you can see how long the damn No Parking sign is. At some point, it's just easier to put down when you can park rather than when you can't park.

Sometimes, it helps to have some positivity.
Attached Images
File Type: jpg IMG_20160621_162212.jpg (1.02 MB, 7 views)
Reply With Quote
  #3282  
Old 10-20-2017, 11:39 PM
amandanunes amandanunes is offline
Novice
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1
LOL, ROLF, LMAO
I haven't laughed this hard like for days. I am always busy with my Cheap Assignment Writing Service work and it keeps my head busy but you guys are amazing.
Reply With Quote
  #3283  
Old 10-22-2017, 06:28 AM
Salica Salica is offline
Novice
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 4
Quote:
Originally Posted by Matra et Alpine View Post
spotted this in facebook, needless to se it was Aussies




I'm just thinking how our egg-nog test could have gone SO WRONG !!!
I have a friend with this shift knob. I will take pic and post here
Reply With Quote
  #3284  
Old 10-25-2017, 11:07 PM
saysonlui saysonlui is offline
Novice
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Matra et Alpine View Post
I think that's a Tarsier.
Reply With Quote
  #3285  
Old 02-14-2018, 07:27 AM
NSXType-R's Avatar
NSXType-R NSXType-R is offline
Furniture
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 11,441
East Coast of the United States
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ferrer View Post
Yep, probably lying would've net a better result.

By the way, I want a Mazda to release a hardtop version of the latest MX-5, buy it, then realise I've made a terrible mistake, sell it, buy an Alfa Romeo, etc.
Huh, looks like your prediction was half true.

Lots of foul language, but man, I miss George Carlin and his humor.

George Carlin - Driving - YouTube
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
jokes, wouterpoo


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
is this funny? r34_296kw Miscellaneous 19 05-31-2004 12:38 AM
Joke of the day Kudosdude Miscellaneous 2 06-18-2003 01:34 PM



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:48 PM.

 

1998 - 2018 Ultimatecarpage.com