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  #3091  
Old 05-12-2010, 08:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DesmoRob View Post
Heard this one from a friend not too long ago:

"What do you call two turtles f***ing?"

"slowpoke."


Also curious as to how the youngster in one of the previous articles ended up with a fish in his prick after cleaning his fish tank and urinating "simultaneously". Not because I'm interested in trying it myself, but because it sounds physically impossible.
lol.

Yeah, I'm thinking if it had actually happened that way then he would have gone to the doctor immediately. Probably just embarassed to admit what he had done.

@CG some friends of mine shaved a smiley face into another friends butt when he passed out drunk. Alcohol makes you do strange things.
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  #3092  
Old 05-21-2010, 03:35 AM
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Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:
'Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain.Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto . The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So sit back,relax and...... OH, MY GOD !'

Silence followed!

Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom.
'Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you . While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'


One Irish passenger yelled...

'For Goodness sake ....... you should see the back of mine!!!'
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  #3093  
Old 05-27-2010, 03:41 AM
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Quote:
Mazda 121 shades, 1988 model manual, opposite of MX5
Mazda 121 shades, 1988 model manual, opposite of MX5. - eBay, Passenger Vehicles, Cars, Cars, Bikes, Boats. (end time 29-May-10 11:34:01 AEST)

LMAO
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  #3094  
Old 05-27-2010, 05:24 AM
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Is it...Mauve?
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  #3095  
Old 05-27-2010, 01:17 PM
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My dad had one of those for about eight years. (Badged as a Ford Festiva over here)
Air conditioning and traveling uphill were mutually exclusive.
Strangely enough going to school one day, when it finally died, it was going downhill.
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"No. My Finnish is fine; I am from Finland. Do you have any water?"
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  #3096  
Old 05-27-2010, 07:46 PM
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Wishing I was in Moscow, Idaho
Oh, sweet zombie jeesus. I almost want to buy the car just to reward the guy for the ad.
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  #3097  
Old 05-27-2010, 07:54 PM
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lol even the questions and answer section was gold.
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Andreas Preuninger, Manager of Porsche High Performance Cars: "Grandmas can use paddles. They aren't challenging."
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  #3098  
Old 05-28-2010, 12:26 AM
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i found round two linked through this blog
Big Trev :: Generally crapping on

Quote:
Every weld on the frame of this thing looks like a passing sparrow has splattered semi metallic poo on it, badly.
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  #3099  
Old 05-29-2010, 04:35 AM
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Matra et Alpine Matra et Alpine is offline
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A man goes into a bar every day, asks for a pint of lager, drinks it, says "PISS" and walks out.

The barman was getting a bit sick of this.
The next time the man came in and asked for a pint of lager, the barman said "PISS OFF"

"Ok" says the man, "i'll have a pint of bitter"
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  #3100  
Old 05-29-2010, 05:17 AM
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CHINESE SICK LEAVE : 'I NO COME WOK TODAY!!!'

Hung Chow calls his work and says,
'Hey, I no come wok today, I really sick .
Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come wok.'

The boss says,
'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today.
When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex.
That Makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.'

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again.
'I do what You say and I feel Great.
I be at wok soon.........

You got nice house.'
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  #3101  
Old 05-29-2010, 05:56 PM
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LOL. " You got nice house. "
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  #3102  
Old 07-24-2010, 10:25 PM
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Thought I'd kick start this thread with an absolute groaner.

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........


"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon."

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."

"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,

"Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? "

"Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees



Ees





Ees





Ees




Ees a ham bush...."
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  #3103  
Old 08-04-2010, 01:06 AM
randywayne randywayne is offline
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Oh hahaha....These are really such funny jokes.I am laughing still.Thanks guys for sharing these jokes with us.

Last edited by henk4; 08-04-2010 at 01:10 AM. Reason: removal spam link
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  #3104  
Old 08-05-2010, 08:27 PM
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Watch Russell Peters. That guy is hilarious.
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  #3105  
Old 08-13-2010, 08:18 AM
bileinspection bileinspection is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoOne View Post
This one is pretty good ....
Larry looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order, spotless, clean. So's the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating. Larry asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

Confused, Larry asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off you said, "Lady leave me alone, I'm married'!"

Thanks for the joke...this one is really funny...
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