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  #2236  
Old 10-03-2007, 08:12 AM
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I phoned the Islamic Samaritans today.

When I said I was feeling suicidal they got all excited and asked if I knew how to fly a plane.
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  #2237  
Old 10-03-2007, 09:16 AM
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Originally Posted by IWantAnAudiRS6 View Post
I phoned the Islamic Samaritans today.

When I said I was feeling suicidal they got all excited and asked if I knew how to fly a plane.
OMG
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  #2238  
Old 10-03-2007, 12:43 PM
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random pictures,

ha ha
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  #2239  
Old 10-04-2007, 01:50 PM
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Postman Pat does the rounds!
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  #2240  
Old 10-06-2007, 02:34 AM
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Glasgow Rangers manager flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play Football and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Scotland.

Two weeks later the 'Gers are 4-0 down to Aberdeen with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes.

The lad is a sensation - scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Rangers! The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.

When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in Scottish football.?

"Hello mum, guess what?" he says in an Iraqi accent. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me."


"Wonderful," says his mum,
"Let me tell you about my day.
Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, gang raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such great time."


The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry."




"Sorry!!! Sorry!!! " says his mum,

"It's your bloody fault we moved to Glasgow in the first place!"
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  #2241  
Old 10-06-2007, 02:35 AM
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The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness.

Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
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  #2242  
Old 10-06-2007, 09:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Matra et Alpine View Post
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness.

Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
uh-oh
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  #2243  
Old 10-07-2007, 01:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Matra et Alpine View Post
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness.

Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
what if the three best friends are insane?
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  #2244  
Old 10-07-2007, 01:30 AM
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what if your the only sane person on the planet?

how would you tell?

maybe your the only INsane one.

think about it.
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  #2245  
Old 10-07-2007, 11:35 PM
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In the shed
lulz at the soccer joke.
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  #2246  
Old 10-07-2007, 11:43 PM
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geek jokes with a calculator

the equation is

y= 2cos X
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  #2247  
Old 10-07-2007, 11:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kingofthering View Post
geek jokes with a calculator

the equation is

y= 2cos X
Saggy boobs?
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  #2248  
Old 10-08-2007, 12:15 AM
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i lol'ed
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  #2249  
Old 10-08-2007, 07:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kingofthering View Post
geek jokes with a calculator

the equation is

y= 2cos X
I remember doing that with my friends when I was learning sin curves in Math B.

Ah, good times.

BTW, the Ti-84 Plus is a wonderful calculator. Puz Pack makes classes go by so quickly.
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  #2250  
Old 10-08-2007, 01:58 PM
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A man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, everything seems to be OK, but something happened. I'm trying to break this gently to you, but your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.'

Now the bloke groans a bit but the doctor goes on, 'You've got 9,000 compensation coming to you and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did, better in fact. But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's a thousand pounds an inch.'

The bloke perks up at this.

'So the thing is' the doctor says, 'it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before and you decide to go for a nine incher she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.'

So the bloke agrees to talk with his wife and the doctor comes back the next day.
'So' says the doctor 'Have you spoken with your wife?'
'I have.' says the fellow.
'And has she helped you in making the decision?'
'She has' says the bloke.
'And what is it?' asks the doctor...


.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.


'We're having a new kitchen.'
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