Need to get something off my mind

[brandisher]

Hey everyone,

It's been a while since my last post. I have been very busy with school and graduating and enrolling back into the master's program. Any ways just need to get some stuff off my mind . .

My wife(Nicole) and I have recently gotten married and I have dated her for over 2yrs before I popped the question. Anyways, Nicole and her girl friends(elementary school friends) went on a back home to visit her family and she's been gone for close to a month now. I miss her but I have talked to some of her friends and they have told me some of the stuff that Nicole's done in her past that keeps running through my mind, they are far from the girl I married, and I talk to her every night and she hardly tells me what she has been up to at home. She would just tell me that she doesn't know and also the conversations we had when she first left went from like hours of conversing to now < 30min.

Honestly I really don't know what to think. Also when she flew back east she didn't tell me that she was visiting NY with her elementary guy friend and the shared a hotel room together. I confronted her about it and she said nothing happened. Her girl friends went straight home and she lingered a few days with that guy. I trust her but I don't trust the guy friend.

Am I over analyzing this or do I have every right to be concerned? I've tried to just keep this on the down-low for about a month now cause I trust her and thinks that she won't do something like this and it is getting harder not to think about it now because she is coming back in a little over a week.

Sorry for such a long and dramatic story

[Blue Supra]

Buy a motorcycle and give it all your love and attention. Thatll show her.

[brandisher]

I'm not gonna lie, I want a motocycle but most likely I'll crash and burn. Nothing less than 1000cc for me!

[IBrake4Rainbows]

IMHO...

Relationships are built on trust (and breakfast). If you don't trust her there are SERIOUS issues that won't go away just because you are told it's ok.

You don't trust her it seems otherwise you wouldn't have such a big concern for this "guy friend". It is possible for guys and girls to be "just friends", and you don't know his situation, do you? You might have a better chance with him than her . So what to do?

Buy a motorcycle and give it all your love and attention.

If she's been gone for about a month something isn't right with her either. You guys definately need to talk.

[whiteballz]

That is a really difficult position your in - I assume because you feel its out of character that its only compounding the issue.

I know for a fact there are members here on UCP who have gotten me through some (what I feel) were entirely life changing events.

All the best for the life you hope to build.
Everone says its best to air all your worried and fears with your spouse, however I know its much easier to say then do.

[clutch-monkey]

IMHO...

Relationships are built on trust (and breakfast).

oh shi-

[VOGUE_MAN]

This is a terrible situation to be in and no matter how it turns out you have my sympathies. However, I think you have to go with your instincts. If you feel something's not right you need to explore it more. That's not to say anything untoward has taken place, but if you find yourself worrying then you have the right to ask questions.

[Niko_Fx]

she was visiting NY with her elementary guy friend and the shared a hotel room together.

I was ok with your post 'till I read this. If she's back home having fun with her girlfriends that's ok, if she's barely home it's ok as well (after all she didn't travel over there to stay at home), but sharing a hotel room with some guy friend? Not ok.

Remind her that she is a MARRIED WOMAN, she can't be doing stuff like that. Whether you trust her or not, she should not be doing that kind of shit. I trust my wife 100%, but I would not tolerate her sharing a hotel room with some guy.

Relationships are built on trust (and breakfast).

and money (if you're married).

[bmwpower]

Maybe its just me, but noooo way in hell would I tolerate that, and if nothing was happening why didn't she tell you? Its absolutely impossible that she didn't realize beforehand that her behavior was at the very least pretty damn suspicious.

I'm just saying if it was me I'd step up to the plate and show her where the line stands, no two ways about it, especially this early in the marriage, if you don't then you're dropping the ball. She intentionally threw it on your court, now its your turn.

I understand you build a relationship on trust and all that, but if there's honesty and transparency, then you shouldn't have to TRUST that your wife might not be cheating on you, you should know, cause she should make that pretty damn clear.

That said all the best, but you start becoming a push over now, I can't see her treating you with any more respect in the future, cause what she did was clearly disrespectful.

[whiteballz]

That said all the best, but you start becoming a push over now, I can't see her treating you with any more respect in the future, cause what she did was clearly disrespectful.

+1 I'm ****ed already and I'm not married

[brandisher]

Remind her that she is a MARRIED WOMAN, she can't be doing stuff like that. Whether you trust her or not, she should not be doing that kind of shit. I trust my wife 100%, but I would not tolerate her sharing a hotel room with some guy.

I do remind her and I call her every night telling her that she should take her role as a wife more seriously. She'll say it but I don't know if she really follow her words. She told me she stopped smoking hookah, but that was a lie when I confronted her over the phone a few weeks ago. Pissed me off so bad.

I figured I'll just confront her when she comes back in a week and I'll just lay it on the table for her. Either she tells me the entire truth of what happen on this trip or I'm calling it quits and if she did fool around I'm calling it quits also.

Think this is putting my foot down enough or too excessive?

[ruim20]

Wow, maybe i'm to radical but i'd be pissed of if my wife would share a room with any guy besides her brother or father.

Again and this is my view, i'd just tell her to get home NOW and stop kidding around, you guys are married, it's a big responsability, it's not like you're kids and still dating.

[IBrake4Rainbows]

Relationships are hard work and you need to remind her that if she wants to be a part of yours she needs to work at it.

She needs to step up, badly.

[Matra et Alpine]

and online forums, in public aren't the best places to share your mindset or seek advice

[cargirl1990]

I think you have every right to worry what she's up too. What ever it may be, it sounds as if your marriage could be on the rocks.