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Thread: Funny Jokes ... WARNING: may offend

  1. #3091
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    brisbane - sub-tropical land of mangoes
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    16,251
    Andreas Preuninger, Manager of Porsche High Performance Cars: "Grandmas can use paddles. They aren't challenging."

  2. #3092
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    Apr 2003
    Location
    For Tax Purposes, Cayman Islands
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    14,579
    Is it...Mauve?
    <cough> www.charginmahlazer.tumblr.com </cough>

  3. #3093
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
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    └A & Connecticlump
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    My dad had one of those for about eight years. (Badged as a Ford Festiva over here)
    Air conditioning and traveling uphill were mutually exclusive.
    Strangely enough going to school one day, when it finally died, it was going downhill.
    "Kimi, can you improve on your [race] finish?"
    "No. My Finnish is fine; I am from Finland. Do you have any water?"

  4. #3094
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Wishing I was in Moscow, Idaho
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    2,585
    Oh, sweet zombie jeesus. I almost want to buy the car just to reward the guy for the ad.
    Big cities suck

    "Not putting miles on your Ferrari is like not having sex with your girlfriend so she'll be more desirable to her next boyfriend." -Napolis

  5. #3095
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    Nov 2004
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    brisbane - sub-tropical land of mangoes
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    lol even the questions and answer section was gold.
    Andreas Preuninger, Manager of Porsche High Performance Cars: "Grandmas can use paddles. They aren't challenging."

  6. #3096
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    Nov 2004
    Location
    brisbane - sub-tropical land of mangoes
    Posts
    16,251
    i found round two linked through this blog
    Big Trev :: Generally crapping on

    Every weld on the frame of this thing looks like a passing sparrow has splattered semi metallic poo on it, badly.
    Andreas Preuninger, Manager of Porsche High Performance Cars: "Grandmas can use paddles. They aren't challenging."

  7. #3097
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    nr Edinburgh, Whisky-soaked Scotland
    Posts
    27,775
    A man goes into a bar every day, asks for a pint of lager, drinks it, says "PISS" and walks out.

    The barman was getting a bit sick of this.
    The next time the man came in and asked for a pint of lager, the barman said "PISS OFF"

    "Ok" says the man, "i'll have a pint of bitter"
    "A woman without curves is like a road without bends, you might get to your destination quicker but the ride is boring as hell'

  8. #3098
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    nr Edinburgh, Whisky-soaked Scotland
    Posts
    27,775
    CHINESE SICK LEAVE : 'I NO COME WOK TODAY!!!'

    Hung Chow calls his work and says,
    'Hey, I no come wok today, I really sick .
    Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come wok.'

    The boss says,
    'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today.
    When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex.
    That Makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.'

    Two hours later Hung Chow calls again.
    'I do what You say and I feel Great.
    I be at wok soon.........

    You got nice house.'
    "A woman without curves is like a road without bends, you might get to your destination quicker but the ride is boring as hell'

  9. #3099
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, Milky Way Galaxy, Universe.
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    2,287
    LOL. " You got nice house. "
    Buddy: 1998-2009
    Mah boi, UCP is what all true warriors strive for!
    PINGAS!!!!

  10. #3100
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Perth, Australia
    Posts
    6,534
    Thought I'd kick start this thread with an absolute groaner.

    Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........


    "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."

    "Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon."

    With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

    There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... every imaginable kind of cured pork.

    "Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."

    "Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."

    "Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."

    And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,

    "Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

    "Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? "

    "Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees



    Ees





    Ees





    Ees




    Ees a ham bush...."
    Life's too short to drive bad cars.

  11. #3101
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
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    5
    Oh hahaha....These are really such funny jokes.I am laughing still.Thanks guys for sharing these jokes with us.
    Last edited by henk4; 08-04-2010 at 01:10 AM. Reason: removal spam link

  12. #3102
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, Milky Way Galaxy, Universe.
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    Watch Russell Peters. That guy is hilarious.
    Buddy: 1998-2009
    Mah boi, UCP is what all true warriors strive for!
    PINGAS!!!!

  13. #3103
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    3
    Quote Originally Posted by NoOne View Post
    This one is pretty good ....
    Larry looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order, spotless, clean. So's the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.

    His son is also at the table, eating. Larry asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

    Confused, Larry asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off you said, "Lady leave me alone, I'm married'!"

    Thanks for the joke...this one is really funny...

  14. #3104
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Sweden
    Posts
    842
    A man was hospitalised with 6 plastic horses up his ass..

    Doctors described his condition as stable.

  15. #3105
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    "Kimi, can you improve on your [race] finish?"
    "No. My Finnish is fine; I am from Finland. Do you have any water?"

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