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  #481  
Old 02-07-2011, 04:28 AM
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IBrake4Rainbows IBrake4Rainbows is offline
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The glow they're talking about came from within two people, Doug. You included.You were Terry's rock, her sanity, her voice during her hours of need. And most importantly the one she was fighting for.

You are indeed blessed to have been together, you definitely seem to have brought out the best in each other. She'll always be with you, so you won't have to miss her. Her love goes on in your life.
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  #482  
Old 03-23-2011, 06:09 AM
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A joyful but deeply sad day today. My grandson will be born this afternoon, the event Terry tried to move heaven and earth to be there for, to see her new grandson, the first from our only son that she loved and prided so much. She rescinded her DNR and told the doctors very forcefully, "Just get me to the 23rd of March!" They failed..... I failed.

I'll be going to the hospital later with happiness in my heart but a dark cloud over my head and tears in my eyes. Here's hoping all goes well with the birth of my grandson, Christiano.
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Last edited by Doug_Dread; 03-23-2011 at 06:48 AM.
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  #483  
Old 03-23-2011, 06:32 AM
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From what you've shared with us here Doug, you have never "failed" Terry and she IS there with your grandson and family for as long as you need her strength to guide and help you.

Our thoughts are with your family and for Christiano as well as our memories of Terry you have bravely shared with us and long may that continue.
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  #484  
Old 03-23-2011, 07:10 AM
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Hi Doug,

we don't know each other and I've been here since only after your wife was already sick. From what I could read here though, she always appeared as a strong person, a wife that wasn't only needing your help but that could also give you the strength to follow here in such a difficult journey.

The things that sticks out the most from this thread though is when you and Terry went on vacation, just to find out the vegetation in front of your house were removed allowing you to enjoy an extraordinary view of the ocean, and Terry liked it so much.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...read/View1.jpg

Of all things that are written here, that's the kind of memory of your wife that really represents her.

Rest assure that your grandson will find in your memories the best grandmother he could have wished for.
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  #485  
Old 03-23-2011, 04:03 PM
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Not sure I can see where you failed mate.
My father died before he saw any of his grandchildren also. My wife miscarried while he was alive. By the time we had our next one it was too late. I know how much he would have loved to see a grandchild and how spoiled they would have been.
Can’t be changed, it is what it is, not fair.
I suppose despite the intense feeling of sadness of what can never be, this will represent a new joy for you. And I have a feeling Christiano is going to be fairly special.
Good luck mate.
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  #486  
Old 03-23-2011, 04:20 PM
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Grandchild number 6, baby Christiano, was born at 16h42 Wednesday, weighed 3.22kg and length is 45cm. Everything is present and in the right places i.e. perfect. Photo attached.

Terry would have been/maybe is, over the moon.

Cheers,
Doug

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  #487  
Old 03-25-2011, 06:21 AM
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Doug, your dedication to ensuring that you and Terry maximised your time together ment that there is no possible way you could be considered to have failed. Your bravery and courage over the last few years has been inspirational.
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  #488  
Old 03-26-2011, 06:11 AM
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Terry is over the moon mate. She's within you, and if you're happy, she's happy.

You didn't fail her or anyone else.
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  #489  
Old 05-06-2011, 03:44 AM
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3 months down the line and I feel I must issue a warning:

A wonderful, wonderful woman like Terry and the immensity of her love for me and her family, for over 75% of my life, left a hole so deep and desolate, I know now I shall never be able to climb out of it. Although my heart keeps beating, my life is essentially over. I have all the trappings of this world but they are totally meaningless. I go through the motions of being alive and smile for the sake of my children but I know the only peace I shall ever find is when I join Terry one day and make sure she’s ok.

All I can say to you is cling on tightly to your love with all your strength, never let go and don’t waste one single moment, life goes so quickly that if you blink, it’s over. Many couples live through the sometimes stormy working phase and children phase of their lives, intending/dreaming to really start living later when things get better and they’ve “made it” in life. This is a cruel, cruel illusion, a scam, don’t fall for it. Only the “now” is real.

Tip of the day: Pictures have limited value. Put your cameras on movie mode and use them often. I have only a few short, poor quality clips of Terry and would give anything to be able to watch her walking and talking again.

Live long, happy and love-filled lives my friends! Trust me, nothing else matters!

Warmest regards,
Doug
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  #490  
Old 05-06-2011, 05:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Doug_Dread View Post
3 months down the line and I feel I must issue a warning:

A wonderful, wonderful woman like Terry and the immensity of her love for me and her family, for over 75% of my life, left a hole so deep and desolate, I know now I shall never be able to climb out of it. Although my heart keeps beating, my life is essentially over. I have all the trappings of this world but they are totally meaningless. I go through the motions of being alive and smile for the sake of my children but I know the only peace I shall ever find is when I join Terry one day and make sure she’s ok.

All I can say to you is cling on tightly to your love with all your strength, never let go and don’t waste one single moment, life goes so quickly that if you blink, it’s over. Many couples live through the sometimes stormy working phase and children phase of their lives, intending/dreaming to really start living later when things get better and they’ve “made it” in life. This is a cruel, cruel illusion, a scam, don’t fall for it. Only the “now” is real.

Tip of the day: Pictures have limited value. Put your cameras on movie mode and use them often. I have only a few short, poor quality clips of Terry and would give anything to be able to watch her walking and talking again.

Live long, happy and love-filled lives my friends! Trust me, nothing else matters!

Warmest regards,
Doug
Oh Dear Dread...

It was only now that I realized Terry had left us. It's devastating to read what you have just wrote and although I cannot imagine the pain you're going through, I understand it completely.

But Doug, you are probably aware that throughout this process you were a hero. An example of love and dedication that inspire all of us with who you had the kindness to share it all. It was amazing how you managed to make life worth living to someone who was in so much physical pain. What you gave Terry was an imense gift. She managed to be happy and taste life when it was most unprobable and that was all because of you. Wherever she is, she is proud of you and in peace, and so should you, cause her pain has ended.

I come from a very small family and in the last 3 years I lost 4 of the persons I most loved. Now I am excited for the simple fact that in 3 month time I will have a nephew, since not having a family is proving to be a bit painful.

What I mean with this is that you have children and grand-children and you must focus on them and in the gift they are. You have to commit to that "family leader" role just like you were commited with the "extraordinary husband" role.

I know we can never fill the gaps left by those who die to soon like Terry (and BTW my father) did. We just have to find a way to live comfortably with them. I guess the fact that your life was totally centered in Terry for the last few years won't make it easy. Seek help if feel it is being too hard to manage. Find others in the same boat, for example. It may be good.

Whatever you do, please bring back some joy to your life just like you did for Terry. I really wish to find you in UCP just for the reason that brought you here in the first place: cars and the pleasures of life. I know you can cause you have an immense strenght.

A sincere and strong hug with my honest admiration for you.
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  #491  
Old 05-06-2011, 06:17 AM
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The trappings of your life involve people you've touched deeply and who's lives are enriched with your presence and love. Terry was and will always be a tremendous element of who and what you are, as you are a part of your loved ones lives.

It might not get easier, but you'll get better at dealing with it, every day
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  #492  
Old 05-06-2011, 07:31 AM
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What they said. I'm not as erudite as those above but I just want to say, for myself and those who might read this but not feel able to express the same, that I/we really do support you and echo the feelings expressed in this thread. You are someone that we should aspire to be in our lives, your love and care for Terry is the purest form of love that can possibly exist. I realise that this is the hardest time in your life, and it must seem that there is no light beyond this darkness, but at McReis says, there is always a future to be had. There can and will be no lessening of the legacy of Terry, as long as you are there to honour her memory and her love. That is your charge, and I believe you are the one who can carry that. Her legacy to the world must be as you remember her - the most wonderful person that there can ever have been. I only hope that I can find such love in my life in my time on this planet. I truely believe that you have been blessed. Live on Doug, celebrate everything and share the love with all. I can think of no better way to give thanks.
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  #493  
Old 05-06-2011, 07:36 AM
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My voice joins those already spoken, Doug.

Changing life and coping is a big step and the thing to remmber is it never diminishes those who shared life with us.

It's not easy and I was welcome to receive professional support and help when I lost my mum over 10 years ago now to help me and wonder if you may seek out bereavement counselling to assist at this time too.
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  #494  
Old 05-06-2011, 07:36 AM
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Originally Posted by pimento View Post
What they said. I'm not as erudite as those above but I just want to say, for myself and those who might read this but not feel able to express the same, that I/we really do support you and echo the feelings expressed in this thread. You are someone that we should aspire to be in our lives, your love and care for Terry is the purest form of love that can possibly exist. I realise that this is the hardest time in your life, and it must seem that there is no light beyond this darkness, but at McReis says, there is always a future to be had. There can and will be no lessening of the legacy of Terry, as long as you are there to honour her memory and her love. That is your charge, and I believe you are the one who can carry that. Her legacy to the world must be as you remember her - the most wonderful person that there can ever have been. I only hope that I can find such love in my life in my time on this planet. I truely believe that you have been blessed. Live on Doug, celebrate everything and share the love with all. I can think of no better way to give thanks.

Indeed.

You had a great life with Terry. Now you can have a future which will be no doubt without her presence, but full with her memories, and that's a good one you don't want to miss.

Most people can only dream about that.
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  #495  
Old 05-07-2011, 02:33 PM
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I have told it here like I always have.... as it is. As usual, you are privy to what's going on inside of me, but my family isn't. All they know is that dad/grandad has stepped up to catch them when they fall, pull them together, hold them close and keep them moving forward. I don't know if Terry would be proud or not, but I reckon she'd be wide-eyed in astonishment and shaking her head in disbelief at how well the family is responding. All except my eldest daughter who has totally lost her mojo. She's a work in progress.

If Terry doesn't approve of how I collapse in a heap when I'm alone, well, it won't be the first time she's been pissed off at me.
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