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Old 12-22-2006, 01:59 PM
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Doug_Dread Doug_Dread is offline
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My wife is brave, and getting well!!!

Why am I posting this here? I really donít know, stress therapy perhaps, an effort to shed some of my extreme anxiety and anguish, maybe, the fact that I can get more than a few words out without losing my ability to speak or that my home is now the emptiest, loneliest place on earth, that tooÖ... Whatever the reason, if itís of no interest, please ignore.

My wife of 32 years suffered kidney failure several years ago and received a transplant 4 years ago. Our hopes of a rosy new future were soon dashed as complications set in, the worst of which was acute osteoporosis where a sneeze was enough to break a rib. The last 3 years have been hell on earth for her, with constant pain, only the intensity varied, but she bravely fought through and somehow, still shared her boundless love with her children and I. Often she said she wished she could end it all, just go to sleep and never wake up. She made me promise that if she lost consciousness, I would let her go and not keep her alive on machines.

She developed some unknown infection over the last couple of weeks, which thrived due the actions of her immuno-suppressive, anti-rejection drugs, designed to keep her new kidney safe. However, she refused hospitalisation, determined to spend Christmas with her family and not in hospital. She didnít make it and lost consciousness at 5am Thursday morning. I just could not sit by and watch and thatís when I broke my promise and called ER24, who were fantastic and she was admitted to hospital a short while later.

Initially in ICU, she was hooked up to multiple drips and despite the major discomfort and a cloudy brain, she started to come back. We were able to talk and I did my best to support and encourage her. When she seemed reasonably stable I left her with the children to meet a prior commitment which would take me away for an hour or two. Upon my return, I was horrified to find they had evicted the children so that they could knock her out and connect up a dialysis machine, shove a ventilator tube down her throat and hook up various other life-support instruments of horror.

Now, as I look down at her beloved sleeping face, all distorted by the tubes, feeling unnatural and clammy to the touch and her wasted frame, bruised and battered by their attentions, Iím filled with a devastation so immense I cannot bear it and I feel my heart breaking. Will I ever be able to speak to her again and hear her voice? I donít know.

The doctor calls it multiple organ failure, recovery is unlikely. She, and my respect of her wishes, left it too late to get help. As her legal guardian, the decision to sustain life support or finally keep my promise and let her go is mine alone. God, I wish I wasnít me, this is just too cruel!! Unlike television, where the patient is brain-dead and the decision an order of magnitude easier, she isnít brain dead, she could return at least to partial consciousness if the morphine were stopped. However, letting her surface from her morphine world into a world of indescribable agony is unthinkable, but I really need her help with this decision.

I feel I have no choice but to break my promise again and leave things for the next few days, spend Christmas by her side, and hope for the unlikely best. Her own, much trusted doctor returns from leave next Wednesday, I need to speak to him first before I choose life or death of my beloved wife and life companion.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 12-22-2006, 02:03 PM
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That is truly terrible, I feel really bad for you man, hope for the best.
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Old 12-22-2006, 02:14 PM
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I'm so sorry Doug. Your pain is undoubtedly worse than her's. I wish you and yours all the best.
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Old 12-22-2006, 02:19 PM
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IWantAnAudiRS6 IWantAnAudiRS6 is offline
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Doug, my deepest sympathies are with you. Some people get dealt the nastiest shit to deal with, and generally don't deserve it. Bill Hicks dies, Jim Davidson lives.

There are many folks on here who will support you, and I'm sure us three (that's me and the two Canucks up there ) are available if you need to drop a Private Message
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Old 12-22-2006, 02:24 PM
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Wow, that truly sucks. Hope she recovers from it ASAP.
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Old 12-22-2006, 02:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IWantAnAudiRS6
There are many folks on here who will support you, and I'm sure us three (that's me and the two Canucks up there ) are available if you need to drop a Private Message
Got that right.
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Old 12-22-2006, 02:29 PM
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i hope she gets better as soon as possible man, and what IWantAnAudiRS6 said is right... Waiting for any more info when you receive it.
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Old 12-22-2006, 02:39 PM
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I really can't imagine what you must me going through. I doubt there's much that can be said to really make a difference for you, but if it's any consolation, I think you're handling an incredible situation well.

I certainly would struggle for the strength to even contemplate what you're dealing with, let alone make that kind of decision.

I hope with all my heart that she makes a recovery.

All the best.
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Old 12-22-2006, 02:50 PM
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Thanks guys. I have absolutely zero interest in the usual stuff like my games, making something to eat, TV, although I have the sound turned way up just so the house isn't so deathly quiet, etc., and am afraid to go to bed and lie awake for hours with nothing to do except turn the situation over and over in my head. Just felt the need to express myself and distract my thoughts.
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Old 12-22-2006, 02:52 PM
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My deepest sympathies are with you at this time.

I cant think of anything else to say really, it really is hard when things like this hit you.
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Old 12-22-2006, 02:58 PM
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Doug my heart goes out to you
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Old 12-22-2006, 03:29 PM
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Wow... I really hope for the best. I feel really sorry for you man.
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Old 12-22-2006, 04:18 PM
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Wow Doug,

Keep doing something, keep your mind full of good thoughts and prayers for your wife to pull through.
Keep on the asses of the doctors and staff to do everything that they can for her.
Keep a diary of what you're going through, writing it down helps.
Keep venting here on the BB, we're here to listen and to offer some kind of support no matter how small.
I have had a first hand experience in the pain and suffering of a loved one when my daughter had Cancer. She's in heaven now, but my wife and I pulled through. And you will too.
Have faith.
Rely on your friends and family for support.
Don't try to deal with this alone.

We'll all be here for you.
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Old 12-22-2006, 04:50 PM
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my father passed away November 11th.I can feel you bro.Just hang in there.You will be in my prairs.
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Old 12-22-2006, 05:19 PM
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That is horrible to have to make. You have my deepest sympathy.

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