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  #46  
Old 02-08-2004, 07:16 PM
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hehehehehe good one
here is a good internet joke seizurerobots.com
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  #47  
Old 02-09-2004, 07:33 AM
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Found, merged and stuck
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  #48  
Old 02-09-2004, 07:55 AM
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A midget need to use the urinals in a resteraunt so he got the owner to get him a garbage bim to stand on and there he is pissing away untill a guy come in next to him and uses the urinal right next to him "jesus christ your balls are huge mate!" exlaimed the midget "can i fell the weight of them?" the guy next to him was neverous at first but relented eventually and lets the midget bob them up and down and all of a suddan he wraps his hands around them "give us your wallet or ill jump off the bin"
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  #49  
Old 02-13-2004, 06:04 AM
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Matra et Alpine Matra et Alpine is offline
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nr Edinburgh, Whisky-soaked Scotland
A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large
beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that
this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says
some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird
anyway.She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room
and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new
madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's
not so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them
and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh
about the situation. Moments later, the woman's husband, came home
from work.

The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith."
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  #50  
Old 02-16-2004, 09:31 PM
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Two guys are moving about in a supermarket when their carts collide. The first one says to the other, "Sorry about that, I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't watching where I was going." The second guy says, "What a coincidence, I'm looking for my wife too, and I'm getting a little desperate." The first guy says "Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?" The second guy answers, "She's tall, with red hair, wet blue eyes, long legs, big firm breasts, and a tight butt. What does your wife look like?" To which the first guy replies, "Never mind, let's look for yours."
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  #51  
Old 02-16-2004, 09:50 PM
The Tuner The Tuner is offline
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chek this:

Hey, Dad, did you know Mom thinks you're perfect?"
"Really, son? How do you know."

"Well, I heard her say it to Mrs. Smith."

"Oh? When was that?"

"Right before she used the word 'idiot.'"

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  #52  
Old 02-16-2004, 09:57 PM
The Tuner The Tuner is offline
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Top Ten Messages on Britney Spears' Answering Machine


10. "This is the printing company. Your wedding announcements are ready"

9. "Hey, it's Christina Aguilera, did you get married or did I?"

8. "It's the printing company. Your annulment announcements are ready"

7. "Rush Limbaugh here. I'd love to try whatever you were taking the other night."

6. "So other than the embarrassing marriage and annulment, how was Vegas?"

5. "Hey, it's Paris. You don't need to get married to get attention. Just have sex on the internet."

4. "This is Kenny from high school. I have a couple of hours free on Thursday if you want to get married and divorced."

3. "Honey, it's Liza. Next time, instead of an annulment, hit him with a bottle."

2. "It's Jessica Simpson. Thanks for making me look like a genius."

1. "Pete Rose here. I bet 10,000 dollars on your marriage lasting a week"
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  #53  
Old 02-16-2004, 10:01 PM
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jus keep gettin better (read: dumber)!!!

Ground Zero gawker sues for garbage-truck injury





A freelance photographer who suffered brain damage after falling off a garbage truck he climbed atop to take pictures of Ground Zero is suing the carting company for $50 million.
Lawyers for the victim, Robert Levin, accuse Waste Management LLP and its truck driver of "failure to respect the plaintiff's rights as a pedestrian," according to court papers filed in Brooklyn Supreme Court.

The carting company's attorney said Levin's own "negligence, carelessness and recklessness" caused him to fall off the truck on Dec. 19, 2001, at 1:40 a.m.

Levin sneaked on top of the truck, which was parked near Greenwich and Carlisle Sts. in lower Manhattan, to get a better view of the site of the terrorist attack.

"Obviously, he never thought in a million years the truck would move, so I don't think his actions were negligent," said Levin's lawyer Howard Klar of Manhattan.

John Marzulli

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  #54  
Old 02-19-2004, 03:55 PM
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Should children witness childbirth?

Due to a power outage at the time, only one paramedic responded to
the call.

The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn, a 3-year
old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while
he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was
asked.

Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born.

The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his
bottom. Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help and asked the
wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
Katelyn quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the
first place. Smack him again."
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  #55  
Old 02-23-2004, 10:14 PM
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Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day, he comes across a Harley with a for sale sign on it.
The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolutely mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in
such great condition for 10 years.

"Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe
a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have
to tell you something about my family before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."

"No problem," he says. And in they go.

Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.

They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a
word. So he reaches over and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off,
throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back
down, but no one says a word.

He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body", he thinks. So he grabs the mom! , bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner
table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.

Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.

Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All right, enough - I'll do the f*cking dishes!"
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Egg Nogg 02-04-2005, 05:07 AM
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  #56  
Old 02-24-2004, 07:48 PM
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Hahahaha Crisis great joke


Kid: mom mom I dont wanna go to the bahamas

Mom: shut up and keep swimming

Last edited by Niko_Fx; 02-24-2004 at 07:52 PM.
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  #57  
Old 02-24-2004, 11:19 PM
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George W Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war.
After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his
hand, and the President asks him his name. "Billy!" "And what is your question, Billy?"
"I have three questions:
First - why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?;
Second - why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?; and
Third - whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?"
Just then the bell rings for recess. George W. Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resumed, the President says, "Okay where were we?
Oh that's right - question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy puts his hand, George points him out and ask his name.
"Steve!"
"And what is your question, Steve?"
"I have five questions:
First - why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?;
Second - why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?;
Third - whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?;
Fourth - why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?; and
Fifth - what happened to Billy?"
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  #58  
Old 02-25-2004, 12:27 PM
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Niko_Fx Niko_Fx is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crisis
George W Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war.
After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his
hand, and the President asks him his name. "Billy!" "And what is your question, Billy?"
"I have three questions:
First - why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?;
Second - why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?; and
Third - whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?"
Just then the bell rings for recess. George W. Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resumed, the President says, "Okay where were we?
Oh that's right - question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy puts his hand, George points him out and ask his name.
"Steve!"
"And what is your question, Steve?"
"I have five questions:
First - why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?;
Second - why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?;
Third - whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?;
Fourth - why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?; and
Fifth - what happened to Billy?"

LOL !!!!!!!! What do I have to say about that joke? Just check my Avatar!!
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Last edited by Niko_Fx; 02-25-2004 at 12:30 PM.
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  #59  
Old 02-25-2004, 10:30 PM
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A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me... I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He held her hand and said, "Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then ........... " he sighed, "let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box."
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  #60  
Old 02-26-2004, 02:49 AM
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haha LOL that last one really does it . In fact, the only one I really Laughed Out Loud...
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