Furniture
You put you tea bag in, you put your tea bag out, You put your tea bag in and you shake it all about, (With 2 tom ballersOriginally Posted by Vaigra
that tea-bagging with Hitler one is disgusting!
(If you don't know what tea-bagging is, watch "Soulplane")
"Just a matter of time i suppose"
"The elevator is broke, So why don't you test it out"
"I'm not trapped in here with all of you, Your all trapped in here with me"
Fanatic
Jack Bauer facts > Chuck Norris facts
Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's ****ing beef.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer ****ing hates lemonade.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.
Last edited by Quiggs; 02-04-2006 at 07:59 AM.
[O o)O=\x/=O(o O]
The things we do for girls who won't sleep with us.
Patrick says:
dads is too long so it wont fit
so i took hers out
and put mine in
Furniture
when chuck norris jumped in the lake, he didnt get wet, the wet got chuck norris.
He came dancing across the water
With his galleons and guns
Looking for the new world
In that palace in the sun
On the shore lay Montezuma
With his cocoa leaves and pearls
Enthusiast
^^ Legendary!!!!! Jack Bauer Rocks!!
And Chuck Norris
Oh and for those who werent aware, Season 5 of 24 kicks off on SkyOne next Sunday!!!
Last edited by RazaBlade; 02-04-2006 at 08:33 AM.
Porsche!
Fanatic
I already know what happens in the first 5 hours.
[O o)O=\x/=O(o O]
The things we do for girls who won't sleep with us.
Patrick says:
dads is too long so it wont fit
so i took hers out
and put mine in
Enthusiast
I should edit that post.... for UK people, who are unlucky enough to have to wait that much longer for everything!!
Porsche!
Super Moderator
In one of the seasons of 24, they should just have him sleep from 10 p.m. to noon, then spend the rest of the 10 hours eating and drinking off a hangover.
Enthusiast
Previously on 24....
Kim tries a bit of her dad's drink, and subsequently in her drunk stupor gets locked in the neighbours basement
The President rings Jack on making such a superb sandwich
Tony comes out of retirement to drink and play poker with Jack
Nina's not dead! She just works at Jacks local strip joint
Porsche!
Super Moderator
I want to know where is all the footage for those many minutes per hour that are taken up with US TV ad time
If I were under suspicion I woudl only do bad things in those 4 (5?) time slots every hour and then there'd be no evidence !!!!
"A woman without curves is like a road without bends, you might get to your destination quicker but the ride is boring as hell'
Enthusiast
i'm just working through season 4 on dvd after getting it SO cheap of a well known internet shop.
if anyone tells me what happens i will wrap a tyre iron upside their head
for safe keeping i think i'll avoid this thread
Furniture
lol..
Cedric - I sound like a chipmunk on there. Some friends of mine were like, "were you going through puberty?" I was like, no I was already 20, I just sound like a girl.
Super Moderator
Jack kills Chuck Norris after a 15-hour fight.i'm just working through season 4 on dvd after getting it SO cheap of a well known internet shop.
if anyone tells me what happens i will wrap a tyre iron upside their head
for safe keeping i think i'll avoid this thread
Rookie
Chuck Norris is set to become the next head of General Motors - bankruptcy is not an option. However, roundhouse kicks to the CEOs of Ford and Toyota are.
Fanatic
Why Boonie is Better than Chuck Norris
Boonie's tears don't cure cancer, but they do cure a hard earned thirst as
they are 4.9% alcohol.
Boonie doesn't shave; his beard is too scared of his mo. The only thing
that isn't scared of Boonie's mo is Boonie, and possibly Merv.
When Boonie was born, he never cried. He just rearranged his box, then got
on with the business of growing his mo.
Boonie sold his soul to the devil for his mo and unparalleled batting
ability. "Fielding at Short Leg" ability was his own doing. Shortly after
the transaction was finalized, Boonie swung his mighty Gray Nicholls into
the devils face and took back his soul. The devil, who appreciates irony,
couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now
play back yard cricket every second Wednesday of the month, even in the
winter.
Boonie does not sleep. He waits. For your shout.
Boonie once cover drove someone so hard that his Gray Nicholls broke the
speed of light, went back in time, and smashed Charles Kingsford Smith
while he was flying over the Tasman.
Boonie built a time machine and went back in time to stop Harold Holt
going for a swim. As a shark came near him, Boonie's mo strangled the
shark. Holt died of amazement and floated out to sea. Boonie then drank
all the beer Holt had left on the beach.
Boonie does not drink like a horse, horses drink like Boonie
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked
15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds
of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Then
he found out about Boonie drinking 52 cans of Full Strength beer on a
flight between London and Sydney, and Chuck Norris' cancer came back, but
this time it had a bigger mo.
The chief export of Boonie comes in keg form.
Boonie is currently suing Slim Dusty's estate, claiming "The Pub With No
Beer" is something that just shouldn't be joked about.
Boonie won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply smashed the
living daylights out of everything that was thrown at him to the fence
with his Gray Nicholls, and the game forfeited.
Boonie drank his first stubbie before his dad did.
Boonie was the fourth Wise Man. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "brew".
Unfortunately, the trip through the desert following that star was a long
one, and none of the 12 cartons of beer made it, hence why he was left out
of the bible.
If you can see Boonie, it is your shout. If you can't see Boonie you may
be only seconds away from a shout.
Boonie doesn't read books. He drinks in front of them until they pass out.
Then Boonie shakes their hand, rearranges his box and gets on with
business.
When Boonie sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a
picture of himself, crouched and ready at short leg. Boonie has never had
to pay taxes.
Boonie can make a woman climax by simply pointing at his mo.
Boonie once ate four 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45
minutes slaughtering and carving the cow with his Gray Nicholls.
Playing in England for the ashes, Boonie brought a stillborn lamb back to
life by giving it a prolonged mo rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang
back to life and a crowd had gathered, Boonie out-drank the animal,
breaking its non-iron guts, to remind the crowd once more that Boonie
giveth, and the good Boonie taketh away.
When Boonie plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or
dysentery, but rather alcohol poisoning. He also requires no wagon, since
the family is carried on the drinks cart. He always makes it to Oregon
before you, then rearranges his box and gets on with business.
After little debate, Canberra has decided that we do indeed need to have
armed forces instead of Boonie. The reasoning? It is more "humane", and
Boonie sometimes likes to go home to Tasmania instead of touring.
Boonie once shot a British plane down with his finger, by yelling,
"Howzat!"
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Boonie-more than
meets the eye, Boonie-robot in disguise," and starred Boonie as a Test
Cricketer who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could
transform himself into a keg. This was far too awesome for a single show,
however, so it was divided into the "Transformers" and the "Talking
Boonie".
One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler
did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact leg glanced to death
by Boonie.
Boonie recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We
know this beverage as Budweiser. Boonie won't drink it either.
There are no retired bowlers. Only bowlers who have met Boonie.
When Boonie's wife burned the snags one Boxing Day Test, Boonie never got
upset. He just got out his Gray Nicholls, and then belted the burnt off
all the snags. He got Man of the Match that day.
If you ask Boonie what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till."
After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he says, "Two seconds till your
shout". Then he rearranges his box, and gets on with business.
Enthusiast
I love this one
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