Originally Posted by
d-quik
from elsewhere meforgets
Forget the pirate vs. ninja debate. It's antiquated, and there aren't enough parallels. They work on totally different planes, so a fair comparison is next to impossible.
No one remembers vikings, and they are similar to pirates in so many ways that direct comparison is possible. So that's what I'm going to attempt to do.
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First off, vikings were the original badasses. They plied their trade a full 600+ years before pirates even thought about being pirates. So +1 point vikings.
Appearance: Let's face it, both pirates and vikings look hard as hell. Vikings, on the one hand, wear animal skins and leather boots and stuff. Their beards are rocking, royally. They are sooo bling bling with all their rings and armlets and other various shiny metal things they have absconded with. They have HORN HELMETS for Christ's sake, and carry around battle axes. So they clearly take this category, right? No. Pirates have the whole "dignified rapscallion" look going on sometimes, and sometimes they wear straight rags. Eye patches rock, as do anchor tattoos. The beards are at LEAST as rocking as vikings. But they are still losing at this point. That is until you remember the hook hands and peg-legs. It's over. +1 point for both pirates and vikings.
Spoils of war: Both pirates and vikings spent way too much time thinking about treasure. They both sailed the high seas in search for gold for the hoarding. You may think that vikings take this category easily because:
1) Vikings don't plunder, they pillage and sack. These words are cooler, as are the actual actions. Boarding a merchant ship just isn't as cool as raiding a monestary.
2) As previously mentioned, vikings melt down their loot and create jewelry to wear INTO BATTLE. Rock solid.
But then you realize that #2 is negated because pirates trade their plunder for Rum and prostitutes, which is awesome. Drinking rum in a ship at sea isn't as cool as drinking MEAD in a longhouse, but it's close, so we'll let that slide. At this point vikings are still ahead because they attack monks where they live. That is forgotten, however, as soon as you remember that more often than not, pirates BURY their treasure. So while vikings know what they want and why they want it, pirates just steal for the hell of it. They don't even know what's going on. They stay so drunk that stealing gold doubloons just to bury them makes perfect sense. +1 point pirates.
Vikings have mythology and pirates don't. Mythology is wicked sweet. +1 point vikings.
Viking women have beards. -1 point vikings.
Transportation: Pirate ships are cool, there is no doubt. All the cannons are ferocious, and the huge wheel is comical. Also they fly skull and crossbone flags, and they have a crow's nest and people randomly climbing in the rigging ALL THE TIME. Come on, how badass is that. But vikings have longboats, which travel the same high seas as the pirates except they are much smaller and low to the water. Vikings have madd plums for doing that; they are never scared. They have shields on the side, which is cool for some reason, and they'll drive them anywhere, like up rivers and stuff. So pirates and vikings are pretty much tied at this point. In the end it all comes down to prow adornment. Pirates have women on the front of their ships which is all fine and well. I'm not gonna hate on that. But vikings have DRAGONS, and dragons can steal women with ease and take them back to a cave and put them in a cage of gold. Dragons are > women in that sense. +1 point vikings.
Avian allies: Pirates have parrots, which at first may seem cool. But parrots don't shut the hell up, and have a nasty habit of spilling secrets. Also they are all rainbow colored, which is totally not what pirates are about. Parrots constantly want crackers, too. Vikings have ravens, on the other hand, which scout ahead and tell you how scared the monks are of you. Plus they are solid black all over. Hardcore. +1 point vikings.
Treasure maps are really awesome, with the "X marks the spot" thing and all, but so are ancestral rune stones. +1 point for both pirates and vikings
Fighting style: Vikings fighting style is pretty elite. I mean come on, they have war hammers. You can't hate on that. Plus they kill unarmed peasantry, and everyone gets cloven by battleaxes. "Cloven" is a cool word, especially when coupled with the word "asunder". And they go berserk a lot, which is a bonus. But pirates have daggers. This in itself isn't particularly amazing, but pirates carry them in their mouths, which is neat. "Rapier" is a cool word, which counteracts cloven, and "mutiny" nullifies "asunder". Obviously cannons are a big part of any pirates haphazard arsenal, and cannons are rad-ass. This still isn't as cool as vikings though, until you remember the flintlock single shot pistols. Repeating arms were unknown to pirates, so they simply carried shear numbers of flintlock pistols in their belt. Grab one, fire it, become enveloped in a cloud of gunpowder smoke, drop it to the deck, grab another, repeat. OMG, the awesome. +1 point pirates.
Names: This is no contest. Come on, which sounds cooler, "Red Beard" or "Hrothgar Hammerhelm". Damn right. +1 point vikings.
Pirates need another point SOLELY for peg-legs and hook-hands. And striped stockings.+1 point pirates.
+1 million points for both pirates and vikings for being SO OUTLANDISHLY AWESOME AT ALL TIMES.
Ok, so that brings the final tally to:
PIRATES: 1,000,005
VIKINGS: 1,000,006
So it's official. While pirates are certainly spectacular at inspiring awe, Vikings are just a little more amazing.
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