This may not be in the vein of awful diseases we wouldn't wish upon anybody, or deaths in the family, but this is a serious issue for me. The most serious of my life thus far.

The story starts on January 15, 2005. I meet a wonderful girl named Miranda. Over time, we had become incredibly close. We had an odd long-distance relationship that actually managed to last and grow. Last year, we had talked about graduating college, and I'd move up to Illinois with her, and eventually get married.

We had always had such a bond of trust, it was inseperable. We had both been cheated on before, and hated cheating with a passion.

I find out recently that not only is she cheating, she is in fact engaged to another person.

It bothers me less that I lost her than that I see in this a marked change in her personality, as I did when I was cheated on before.

It bothers me that she didn't say a word. I talked to her a month and a half ago on her birthday and there was no indication anything was wrong. Not even the respect to let me go beforehand.

She now refuses to talk and seems to be letting the new guy to the talking. That bothers me because she is an exceptionally strong young lady whom I have NEVER known to shy away from handling her own business. That is a huge change.

There a small concern about what the catalyst for this change is. Drugs? Abuse? Depression? I understand she has chosen otherwise, but I still love her, and am desperately concerned about her, because nothing about this situation fits what I know about her.

I have to combine this with some general issues I've been struggling with lately. The fact that I don't really know where I'm going in life. The career track I'd wanted to go into just doesn't seem possible anymore, and I will be graduating with a business degree in the midst of a glut of business degrees on the job market.

I also have been increasingly unhappy with the area. The reasons are pretty much irrelevant, but it's been a concern of mine along with the career worries, and the two combine to make me really, REALLY unsure of myself.

So I have lost the person I had planned to stay the rest of my life with, I have nothing here of value, and no clue what kind of career track I may fall into. It's scaring the daylights out of me to have no direction, no purpose, and nothing to work towards. Aimless and small. It's a dark feeling to be that alone, helpless, and I am worried I could sink into some clinical depression or something. It's time to toss up my life and change it all around.

I have decided upon graduating, I am going to go back to Northern California. It's maybe a comfort move to go back to where I was born and raised, but all the people who know me best, including my brother, are there. I think at this point, any change is better than the dark hole of nothingness, torment, and pain I have right now.



**PLOT TWIST: She left an exceptionally nasty message tonight claiming that we'd been over a year ago. That's news to me. She never said any such thing. Now I know she's just off her rocker and not worth the time. The sh!t of hers in the storage shed I've been renting for $39/mo is going to the dumps (minus the stuff I want). And all the chicks I passed up banging for her will get called back **


Any advice or insight that you all may have? I could use some views from some people who have lived more than I. Thanks for listening. It helps, it really does.